Episode 32 – The G is for “Germs”

Aaron explains the best ways to keep your nwe 5G phone from giving you Covid-19; then Shea sells the patrons some inpractical parcels.

Welcome to Interesting If True, the podcast that harnesses the power of the atom to blast the sweet sound of our sultry voices into your ear-holes!

I’m your host this week, Aaron, and with me is Shea:

I’m Shea, and this week I learned that crabs and lobsters are the same thing, one is just folded hamburger style while the other is folded hot dog style.

Solving Problems & Adding Value

This week’s story is a bit of an odd duck.

First I have to introduce an entire world of nonsense. Namely that 5G wireless signals can infect you with Covid-19. Yes, those words in that order.

Because solving a problem is adding value—even if the problem is made up and the solutions don’t matter.

People who don’t understand how radio waves work have been flipping out about all the G’s since telecoms started using that branding. Indeed 5G conspiracies abound because the internet has given the stupid a voice and the credulous something to do in lockdown.

Of course there are plenty of 3, 4, and 5G conspiracies that don’t involve impossibly stupid… also normal impossible… contagion-generation radio waves. But where’s the fun in that?

How stupid is thinking 5G can give you Covid? Real stupid. Like, overlapping with Flat Earthers and Anti-vaxxers stupid. More on that infectious venn diagram later. And in case you’re tempted to remind me that ignorance is curable and these people aren’t “stupid” or “dangerously gullable” for holding outlandishly impossible beliefes, I’ll preimptively remind you that this isn’t Be Reasonable.

So to break this conspiracy theory down we’re going to have to establish two branches. One where the radio waves 5G gives off spontaneously-generate the Sars-Cov-2 virus in your body a la a Star Trek replicator (but also not at all like that), and another where Covid-19 is a hoax and those feeling its effects are actually succumbing to radiation poisoning from 5G towers and base stations capable of broadcasting it.

Either way, it’s about population control man… like… because of Monsanto—who also figures into this conspiracy theory… somehow. You can Google that one on your own. Spoiler alert: it’s because Qanon is all conspiracy theories.

The latter is what we’ll focus on because… radiation doesn’t spontaneously create complex viral diseases… because that’s real dumb. Proponents of this also think all the other G’s give you cancer or the gay, even LTE will cause chronic health problems. So turn that off too and enjoy your new Apple iBrick I guess.

Or as Keri Hilson (is this a famous person? Who knows, I’m not clicking on them) tweets:

Still not convinced, well here’s Tiffani Cyr with a for real truth bomb:

Sadly, if you want citations for those claims your gonna have to go fuck yourself.

Where did this theory come from and is it true? Well I’m not doing that search but

NBC2 News did, so here’s that:


Well said Amanda Skrzypchak, well said.

Of course, just because radio waves can’t poof virus’ into you, doesn’t mean that the government can’t use radio waves to poof virus’ into you. As English twitter account owner Jewel will explain. Because we’re an audio medium I’ll just put up screen captures of two design elements that are from Covid-Devil…


So… yeah. If not for the hologram being the Margate Lighthouse and the covid icon being the Rotunda at the Tate Britain, we’d really be in trouble.

As fears of 5G have spread so too have reactions to them. The UK has had a rash of people setting 5G cellular towns on fire. Yep. And a few stateside too. So much so that UK political leaders, the NHS, and telecoms like O2 have all had to publicly address the idea that 5G will give you Covid.

So what does cause Covid-19? That’s SARS-CoV-2.

What does 5G radiation cause? 4K YouTube videos mostly.

And just to be clear, the two are not related. 5G comes to us from the power of science, engineering, and human achievement. Covid-19 comes to us from nature being terrifying.

The end.

Well… “the end” unless you want to make a buck.

Back in the capitalist utopia of Amazon.com the 5G protection racket is going strong. See, radiation is bad for you because it gives you covid, cancer, mutant children, and no super powers. The fear is that 5G radio waves can have the same deleterious effects on your DNA as X-rays, gamma rays, or ultraviolet rays.

All of the latter are ionizing radiation, or radiation that is energetic enough to damage DNA. Which is why we don’t use ionizing radiation in networking… just… putting that out there. We use non-ionizing radiation, or radiofrequency waves. The same idea as AM/FM radio, Wi-Fi, and Satellite-delivered Sports-ball. As the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) states on its website: “Non-ionizing radiation is not strong enough to directly affect the structure of atoms or damage DNA.”

That said, don’t go trying to get familiar with a giant radio tower; non-ionizing radiation might not strip atoms from your DNA but a powerful enough source will excite them. And excited atoms generate heat, which causes burns. So wear your SPF one million and don’t microwave yourself.

Alternatively, you could ignore reality and buy a Faraday Cage for your electronics.

That’s right, because physics is real when you want it to be Faraday Cages still work and you can buy one made specifically to fit your router.

Sometimes I wish this show was life so I can hear all the science nerds, engineers, and geeks collectively facepalm…

On the face of it… if you believe 5G causes Covid-19 that is… this makes total sense. Buy a purpose built—genuine, well come to knock offs—Faraday box for your router today. Once installed it will do what Faraday cages do, block electromagnetic radiation like scary, scary 5G. And also your Wi-Fi.

Now, you do have to make sure you buy a “real” Faraday Cage. There are plenty of unscrupulous hawksters out there selling those grey wire-mesh office organizers as Faraday protection boxes, and those just won’t do. No, you’re spending at least $75 USD on this…

Before we dive into the products and their glorious reviews, I want to say that some of these Faraday router boxes were designed to be… Faraday router boxes. The idea being that one might only block a percentage of RF, thereby weakening your Wi-Fi such that you can connect in your living room but the sign is too weak for your neighbor to do the same.

The router box that you’ll see in most article’s accompanying header images is one such router box. The Faraday Defense Router Shield will block 95% of EMF RF Waves, is made in the USA, and will only set you back $150. And, if you buy it from our link in the show notes, Amazon will donate to WyoAIDS, so that’s nice.

Faraday Defense is careful to say this blocks most, but not all, signals as evidenced by the aesthetically pleasing holes in the aluminium shield. But if you read the very tiny product description I bet you’ll notice the same keywording I did:

Operating safely throughout your day is important. Router Shield was designed with aesthetics and performance in mind. Now you can easily place your router into the Router Shield while balancing the ability to reduce harmful EMF RF waves by 95% and still being able to connect and operate seamlessly with your devices.

Faraday Defense is gonna defend you from the “harmful” EMF RF of your Wi-Fi router. But “if it’s so great, why does it only have two and a half stars?” you might ask, for that we’ll have to go to CK from Dec 3rd of 2020:

If that’s a bit much for you, we can drop down to the 70 to 100 dollar range with JJ CARE’s line of EMF WiFi Router Shields which also block up to, you guessed it, 95% of harmful radiation.

Of course there were people who bought them for their intended purpose. Those reviews were also terrible because if you use a measure of “can I connect to my wifi?” it would seem to block the evils of 5G. On the other hand, if you use a RF meter to measure signal strength, the drop is negligible, if enough to cause sufficient packet loss that your wifi now sucks.

Of course, as fun to poke at the folks who don’t know what a Faraday Cage is or does, there are also plenty of stories, testimonials, and reviews in support of their use as a safety device.

This was from a product adorned with a festive red bow called the “Large WiFi Router Guard (Blocks About 90% of WiFi Router EMF While You can Still use The Router) Blocks 5G!”, $89.25 + 9.99 shipping… not even Prime.

This is where I’ll note that all the boxes I saw, even the ones that went to some length to explain they were for signal testing or other practical uses, added some variant of “Blocks 5G” to their product name, description, and typically, promotional text. And they didn’t do that because they think 5G is dangerous, they did it because conspiracists do and their money is green.

If a router box is too rich for your wallet or too ugly for your living room you’ll be glad to know that the scientists and researchers at prestigious laboratories around the world like GOOP have been hard at work creating friendlier, easier to use, and cheaper… ok, not GOOP on that last one, RF shields.

Hedron Life Source is has created a 5G EMF Protection and Energy Field Enhancement Device, their name, that for only 39.99—on Prime though—will not only protect you from scary words like radiation it will also eliminate “brain fog and more clarity, increased energy, increased focus and concentration, improved digestion and a lot more” by, apparently, aligning your chakras, so… that’s nice. Best of all, it’s so guaranteed to work they have a no-returns policy!

And if that review doesn’t convenience you… you’re literate. Despite its obvious advantages a quick review of Kristi’s reviews on Amazon finds that she had to buy a EMF Root Charkra crystal pendant less than a week later, but that one… that was the thing!

While 5G causing Covid-19 was the big news early on the current leader in Covid conspiracies is that Bill Gates did it. Or is doing it. Or… whatever, he wants to chip you is the point of it all. While this is also immediately dismissed as absurd according to recent PEW Research data between May and September of 2020 American’s faith in, and willingness to take, a Covid vaccine dropped by 20-ish percent across nearly every demographic, including those with postgraduate degrees (84% down to 63%).

So while the idea that 5G will give you Covid-19 is obviously dismissable out-of-hand, so is the idea that Bill Gates is going to use the vaccine to chip you with nanobots. Still, these stories permeate the news, either as dire warnings of impending doom from OVN and Info Wars, to silly looks at the crazies as seen on The Daily Show, CNN, and Interesting If True.

The downside is that despite being obvious nonsense the cloud of doom and gloom reporting surrounding the Covid vaccin is driving up vaccine hesitancy, or as it’s colloquially known, being a dumbass.

So, have a laugh and when it becomes available, get vaccinated I want to go have a beer again dammit!

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Better Christmas Ideas

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Thanks for the infomercial Aaron, I think it’s my turn to sell some useless garbage. For all the ingenuity that exists in everyday inventions, there are some products that boast a distinct lack of purpose. They are clearly not going to change the world or improve anything. In fact, you could argue that they were built merely as conversation starters. All of these products are, or have been available for public consumption, though I have no idea who would want to buy any of this.

For people with indoor genitals…

Gender is an important topic of conversation in the world right now, and apparently it concerns alcohol. A brewery in the Czech Republic is offering “Beer for Her,” which comes in a pretty pink bottle and resembles a wedding decoration. The beer is called Aurosa, and the website explains that its “adapted to the elegance of women.” It’s true that beer is typically associated with men and wine is associated with women, but anyone who’s been to a bar knows it’s absolutely not a rule. There are plenty of women who prefer beer and men who prefer wine. Aren’t stereotypical and meaningless gender distinctions getting old yet? What’s wrong with downing a coors? So far, internet reviews of Beer for Her are less than favorable, so we’ll see how long it lasts.


For those who love cozy…

When the weather is chilly, sleeping bags are very comfortable. For any camping trip, they’re a necessity. But once it’s time to get up and resume daily activities, people don’t usually keep wearing their sleeping bag. Except, that’s the whole idea behind Selk’bag. This is a walking sleeping bag created by Rodrigo Alonso from Chile. Basically, his idea was for everyone to remain comfy and warm while camping. There are plenty of varieties available on the website, and they all emphasize mobility. Instead of sitting around the fire wrapped in your old-school sleeping bag (and not being able to move your arms because you’re freezing), you can pop on one of these and act normally. There’s definitely a market for this product because a common camping complaint is getting cold and not feeling like doing anything. Of course, this is what clothes were invented for. There are so many clothes specially designed for the outdoors that it feels weird to voluntarily wear your bedding, then again the 2020 work from home climate could have changed that.


For the person that has everything…

There are various handbag hangers that are very practical in office settings, but a cup holder that clips to a desk? Is there a really great reason the cup can’t be placed … on the desk? If it’s clipped to the desk, wouldn’t it get in the way? Like when you go to sit down, you might accidentally bump it and then hot coffee would go flying. Also, wouldn’t the cup holder clutter the area? This item has been manufactured by numerous companies — so there must be some kind of demand. It just seems pointless since it clips onto a device that already functions as a storage area for the cup.


For the person who has a dog but hates it….

It may be the greatest innovation in dog poop, since, well, it just may be the greatest innovation in dog poop ever. Whether or not you have a dog, no one wants dog poop in their yard. Why don’t people pick up their pet’s waste? It’s bad for the environment, it looks disgusting, smells worse, gets on your shoes, and more. All legitimate grievances. Most people use regular plastic poop bags to get the job done, but if that’s too much of a hassle, try the PooTrap. It’s exactly what it sounds like — a device that fits onto a dog’s backside to catch its poop. You know, like a baby diaper. Apart from the fact that dogs wouldn’t be enthused about wearing such an awkward contraption, the PooTrap just looks ridiculous. What’s wrong with plastic bags? They’re so easy to use. They’re cheap. They work perfectly. Even though dogs can’t talk, they’d definitely vote against this one.


Hey, maybe you are okay with cleaning up after your pet but you have a huge aversion to looking at their butt hole. Good thing someone somewhere created the Rear Gear. A Portland, Oregon company is now selling tags that you hang on your dog or cat’s tail to cover up their rear. They’re called, what else, Rear Gear, and their sales slogan is “No more Mr. Brown Eye. “The company says with these tags, you can pretend your dog is not a living, pooping animal. “Rear Gear is a fun and enchanting way of covering your pet’s rear while boosting their confidence,” the product description states. Rear Gear comes in various designs, including cupcakes, disco balls, and bio-hazard symbols that cost $6 each.


For the new parent without great reflexes…

Changing A Baby Girl Is Not All Glitz And Glory,Changing A Baby Boy Is Even A Bigger Horror Story.You Hold His Feet With One Hand And Change The Diaper With The Other,The Whole Time Praying, Please Don’t Pee On me.Introducing The Pee-Pee Teepee Which You Simply Place On His Wee-Wee.This Cone Shaped, Cloth Product Makes Diaper Changes Dry And Easy. This is just a glorified cloth cone that you set over top of your new baby’s penis. I feel like if the baby does pee it’s just going to get all over them and cause more of a clean up. Also a cheaper version could just be one of those cheap party hats.


For the alcoholic nine to fiver…

The idea of a wine glass necklace is good in theory because it obviously frees up your hands. But imagine actually walking around a party with a wine-filled wine glass around your neck. Better not bump into anything or hug anyone or lean over or turn around quickly — broken glass and spilled wine everywhere. Also, many people actually prefer having something to hold at parties. It saves awkwardness and makes you look busy. And it’s usually not a problem to carry a glass in one hand and use your free hand for other things, like eating or greeting. When you need to set the glass down, that’s what tables are for. If all the table space is taken, consider investing in some cup holder clips.


For the forgetful drinker…

Ever enjoy a nice backyard BBQ and think to yourself, where did I put my beer? This solves all your problems. You can hook your beer up to this paging device, set it down, and then spend the rest of the afternoon in search of the teeny remote to make the entire contraption work. Genius!

The story of how this device was created is almost as good as the product itself.

“It began with a Memorial Day party when two friends set their beers down by the BBQ for a spirited game of Cornhole, a beanbag tossing game that builds quite a thirst. Parched, our heroes returned to the grill only to be confronted with 7 open beers. Tragically, they did not know which beer was their own.

In a life changing moment of inspiration, one of these men said, “If only beers came with alarms so we could beep em and find em, like when you lose your car in a parking lot”. This ingenious thought was greeted with hilarious laughter. Once the laughing died down the two men realized this was a gift that needed to be shared with the rest of the world.”


For the newly weds or oldly weds or just people sleeping in the same bed…

It’s called the “Better Marriage Blanket” and that’s only because calling it “The Fart Trapping Blanket” seems well… too obvious. The “silent and deadly” problem slices through any couple’s happiness in the bedroom. But there’s a solution — for $120 plus shipping and handling. On the surface, guests visiting the bedroom will see a blanket that resembles an average comforter. But underneath the sheets, the Better Marriage Blanket fights off farts via activated-carbon fabric, a material “used by the military to protect against chemical weapons.” With a little help from commando culture, going commando is no longer an issue. Unfortunately I don’t think this life changing blanket is still in production, but you can try to call the number from the infomercial on youtube.


For the person staying safe this year…

Our final invention was first brought to market in the late 80’s as an easy way to cut your own hair at home. I know at least some of our listeners, like me, were made to sit in a chair as this sci-fi taser apparatus was rubbed against our heads. The Flowbee was marketed as the first vacuum haircut. Um, a vacuum haircut?! Oh yes, this is exactly what the Flowbee promises. “This revolutionary home haircutting system cuts your hair evenly into the recessed blades and trims it precisely. The results are a refreshing vacuum haircut,” Flowbee.com says. Can someone remind us what’s wrong with a simple snip, snip with some scissors? Though, as 2020 come to an end I find myself longing for a Flowbee haircut, right now my hair is the longest I have ever been and my wife thinks I look like a member of a metal country band… Also last week Flowbee made the news again for the first time in many years when George Clooney revealed that he has been cutting his own hair with his trusty Flowbee for the past 22 years. After the news came out, popularity of the trimmer shot through the roof and internet traffic crashed the Flowbee site.


Well I hope you have some more holiday gift ideas for your friends or enemies. I know I’m asking Santa for a Flowbee, and a better marriage… blanket… yeah.


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