Episode 111 – The One Where We Get A German To Play Die Hard

In this week’s show, episode 111, Obama saves we heathens from another war on Christmas after Oklahoma bathroom signs informed kids that murdering goats with donuts doesn’t stop atheists from going to Pornhub.

In This Week’s Show, episode 111, Obama saves we heathens from another war on Christmas after Oklahoma bathroom signs informed kids that murdering goats with donuts doesn’t stop atheists from going to Pornhub.

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Saint Nicholas hasn’t struck us down yet, he is loading his coal launcher… 

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that the song “Frosty the Snowman” is about an ice golem who leads kids into oncoming traffic and vows to return after the police’s pursuit of him ends in his destruction…

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Did you know that in A.D. 350, Pope Julius I, bishop of Rome, proclaimed December 25 the official celebration date for the birthday of Christ? 

T-Boogs Thing

blah blah blah streusel  derp blah  

Mom’s Christmas Message

I disapprove of everything that’s happening right now. 

And I’m Steve before we get to all that, keep this in mind. If evolution is a theory, then religion in an opinion. 

Now, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer 

Mamba | Gilgamesh Brewing

Recommended by “You Can Call Me Al” and provided by Ashley 


  • Aaron: 9
  • Jenn: 8
  • Shea: 10
  • Steve: 9
  • Molly: 9
  • Taboga: 10 

2nd & 3rd Beer from Taboga

Isar Kindl – Ein Schmankerl 

  • ABV: 5.2% 
  • Aaron- 5
  • Jenn- 7
  • Shea- 10
  • Steve- 7
  • Molly- 2
  • Taboga- 8

Hoada – Yankee & Kraut 

  • ABV 6.6%
  • Spezialbeir
  • Aaron- 2
  • Jenn- 2
  • Shea- 1
  • Steve- 5
  • Molly- 0
  • Taboga- 5

This Week’s Show 

Round Table Discussion


  • Steve from Wisconsin is a badass
  • And some drunks we know…

We have our first show Christmas present and card! Sherri was kind enough to send us a lovely item to be displayed in our studio. THANK YOU! And we look forward to seeing and thanking you in person at ReasonCon!

Voting for Jenn or Shea? – Jenn! By like a gabillion percent. 

Thanks, We have the amazing T-boogs in the studio, say hi!

We also have my mom in the studio, say hi mom!

No new patreons or reviews. Which kind of sucks, so you know, go sign up at http://patreon.com/w4w 

We lost Carl Sagan 20 years ago today, and his writing is as prescient as ever


Oklahoma passes new, well-considered law, recommending new restroom signage –  http://bit.ly/2i7Yvyb

  • The bill called, “Humanity of the Unborn Child Act” originally appeared to require businesses to post a sign in their restrooms saying
  • There are many public and private agencies willing and able to help you carry your child to term and assist you and your child after your child is born, whether you choose to keep your child or to place him or her for adoption. The State of Oklahoma strongly urges you to contact them if you are pregnant.
  • It’s now been clarified by the bill’s sponsor, A.J. Griffin, that the signs are voluntary, not mandatory as many originally had thought. that makes it A-Okay, doesn’t it?
  • Businesses were up in arms that the unfunded requirement would end up costing state businesses up to $2.3 million to implement
  • Now it seems that the state will only “make the signs available”, but it’s still unknown if that will be printed or electronic
  • Other provisions in the law include development of educational materials for schools “to teach the humanity of the unborn child.” Such instruction would be at the schools’ discretion, but the law says that they are not to include any sex education “other than those included in science education standards.”

South Carolina, not to be outdone my Oklahoma, is attempting to grab the “stupidest state” prize –  http://bit.ly/2i80cLQ

  • Showing an amazing ignorance of how things work, State Representative Bill Chumley yep, his name is Chumley, has pre-filed a bill to block computers from accessing obscene content
  • Sellers would be required to install digital blocking capabilities on hardware
  • It would also prohibit access to online hubs that facilitate prostitution or websites that facilitate trafficking
  • But, there is a silver lining for the state coffers, in that manufacturers could opt out for $20/unit
  • Buyers too could verify age and pay $20 to remove the filter
  • Money collected to go to the state attorney general

A bit of good news to go with the typical news of the stupid. Obama signs Frank Wolf International Religious Freedom Act. –  http://bit.ly/2i7YhqE

  • The new law protects atheists, humanists, and other freethinkers around the world from religious persecution.
  • Law passed with overwhelming bi-partisan support with Obama’s signature on Dec. 16
  • In part, the law states, “The freedom of thought, conscience, and religion is understood to protect theistic and non-theistic beliefs as well as the right not to profess or practice any religion.”
  • It also condemns “specific targeting of non-theists, humanists, and atheists because of their beliefs,” and enables the State Department to target “non-state actors” against religious freedom, like the Islamic State group, Boko Haram and other extra-government groups.
  • Caroline Mala Corbin http://bit.ly/2i7Zn5C, professor of law at the University of Miami said, “the new language in the IRFA could influence how U.S. courts regard atheists at home. All Americans are protected by the First Amendment, she said, but “there has always been controversy about the degree to which they atheists should be protected. This law makes clear they are to be protected to the same extent” as religious believers.
  • Crazy law get’s high marks from both the religious and non-religious: Russell Moore, president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, called the legislation “a vital step toward protecting conscience freedom for millions of the world’s most vulnerable, most oppressed people http://bit.ly/2i81Kpc,” while Roy Speckhardt, executive director of the American Humanist Association, called it “a significant step toward full acceptance and inclusion for non-religious individuals http://bit.ly/2i7X4Qb.”

This Week’s Stories

Shea’s Christmas gift to our listeners…

Jingle Hard

to the tune of Jingle Bells 

Climbing through the vents, 

No shoes are on his feet, 

John McClain is here for them,

There’s Germans here to beat.  




Oh, bullets fly, bad guys die, SWAT is on it’s way 

John McClain is here for pain and Gruber he will slay! 

Hans is at the vault, 

But John now has a gun, 

the terrorists try and keep their cool 

but get gunned down one by one. 




Oh, bullets fly, bad guys die, SWAT is on it’s way 

John McClain is here for pain and Gruber he will slay! 

Now were on the roof, 

Nakatomi is quite tall, 

John shoots Hans right in the chest  

and then he watched him fall.




Oh, bullets fly, bad guys die, SWAT is on it’s way, 

Hans Gruber is a pancake now and John says Yipee-Ki-Yay!


Jenn’s Story

Outlawed Hindu tradition for menstruating women and girls still practiced, kills 14-year-old girl this month.  http://bit.ly/2i7YxpN – http://bit.ly/2i7UNod

Chhaupadi – banishment to a cattle shed or makeshift hut – because of so-called “impurity” during menstruation or just after childbirth for a 10-11 day confinement WITH THE NEWBORN INFANT. Chhaupadi dictates what a woman can eat, where she can sleep, with whom she can interact, where she can go, and whom she can touch while she is menstruating. This lasts between ten and eleven days when an adolescent girl has her first period; thereafter, the duration is between four and seven days each month.

The beliefs behind Chhaupadi – which are linked to Hindu religion – decree that a woman who disobeys these diktats can bring destruction and death to her family. If she touches a crop, it wilts; if she fetches water, the well dries up; if she picks fruit, it doesn’t ripent 

“If we stay in the house instead of the shed, we get ill because our deities don’t approve of it,” explains Gita Rokaya,a woman from the mountainous village of Sanigaun, in the western district of Jumla. 

“We don’t want to live like this but our gods won’t tolerate it any other way.”

Chhaupadi – which translates to “untouchable being” – has been practiced for centuries in Nepal, as well as in parts of India and Bangladesh, where a yearly festival in August, Rishi Panchami http://bit.ly/2i7U0DH, involves women purifying themselves with water and prayer for the “sins” they commit while menstruating.

A 14-year-old named Roshani Tiruwa died sometimes on during the night of Dec. 16th.  Aljazeera reports that Tiruwa’s body was found late the next day after she hadn’t been seen all morning. Her father called to her from outside the hut to no avail. Then, he told the Nepalese newspaper, My Republica, “We saw her dead body.”

Although Chhaupadi was outlawed by Nepal’s supreme court in 2005, the practice is still widely observed in the western parts of the country, where low development rates, gender inequality, community tradition and high illiteracy all contribute to its continuation, say activists. A 2011 report from the UN estimates that 95% of women and girls in these regions are forced to observe this practice.

Aaron’s Story

Merry Christmas. Unless you’re a goat — then, fuck you right in the goat face –  http://n.pr/2i7Y4nc  –  http://bit.ly/2i7VPAE

  • Black Goat Is Sacrificed On Tarmac Of Pakistani Airport
  • Employees of Pakistan’s national airline took a black goat to the tarmac, near an ATR-42 aircraft that was ready to depart on a domestic flight from the Islamabad airport, and sacrificed the animal.
  • In defense of the sacrifice, a Twitter user who goes by MisBis wrote: “There’s nothing wrong in giving Sadqua a charitable offering … Sadqa bari balao se bachata hai it hedges against many troubles … stop making it a joke.”
  • Another journalist, Fasi Zaka, tweeted: “PIA sacrifices a black goat before resuming ATR services, they take their historical nickname ‘Please Inform Allah’ PIA very seriously.”
  • Television anchor Ejaz Haider tweeted: “When Charles Perrow was working on his theory of normal accidents, he totally missed out on ‘kala bakra’ black goat as a hedge against accidents.” 

Doughnut Story

What would you do for a doughnut hole…ing…? –  http://bit.ly/2i7Zq1i

  • You might remember North Middle School in Joplin, Missouri as the place where hard-working eighth graders are rewarded for their work with a trip to a local sports complex… where the Christian staffers can minister to them http://bit.ly/2i7Yz0T. A lawsuit filed against the District last year is still pending.
  • A faculty member at that same school, we’re now learning, is bribing students with doughnuts to attend a Bible study. Clergy members are also brought in for the weekly events.
  • The American Humanist Association’s Appignani Humanist Legal Center revealed all the details http://bit.ly/2i7Z2jB, given to them by a parent, in a letter http://bit.ly/2i7YkCQ sent to the District earlier today.
  • Last year, the parent’s daughter asked her if she could have donuts that the school offered for breakfast. The parent told her daughter that she could do so, having no idea that the donuts were part of a Bible study activity led by faculty. The parent later learned that the donuts were a lure to get students to attend the Bible study, which takes place immediately before classes start in the morning.
  • The sessions are held in the auditorium. An NMS teacher, Mrs. Olsen, along with two to five people from a church, lead the meetings. Mrs. Olsen and/or the church staff stand at the auditorium doors to invite students in under the guise of “free donuts.” Students cannot get the donuts until service is over. …
  • … . Adults either Mrs. Olsen or church staff read scripture to the students; this is called a “lesson”… Mrs. Olsen then asked someone to lead the prayers and “talk to Jesus for us” and “pray for us.” She then continued to talk about Advent candles from the previous week, and she also read scripture. One of the men from the church took over for more preaching. A child then closed the session with a prayer. 

Holiday Second Half Discussion

We have a chat about our holiday traditions, booze and give you a few recipients! 

The discussion is available on patreon for a buck but the recipes are below for all!  

Big Gay Grulvine

  • Big jug o red wine
  • 4 cups water
  • 2 cups sugar or to taste
  • 5 or 6 large cinnamon sticks
  • 2 large oranges sliced and tossed in peel and all.

Spice packet 

  • About 60 whole cloves
  • Ginger

Put in mini-crock, soup pot, whatev’s.  



Rate us on iTunes.

Beef Wellington -ish


  • Marinated in lightly salted stock or broth, bit of wine, and peppers and garlic. Just go with your gut.
  • Poke holes and stuff with garlic. 
  • Go drink a beer or six. 
  • Remove and pat dry. 
  • Salt, pepper and dress to taste.
  • Sear like it slept with your wife.
  • Remove when browned and immediately rub with a great mustard. I like a stone ground honey mustard.
  • Chill to firm. 


  • Pulse in a food processor or super finely chop about a pound of mushrooms. 
  • Move to frying pan. 
  • Add a couple tablespoons of olive oil, and a dollop of butter.
  • Begin to sautée, once hot add a sprig or two of thyme.
  • Season the mushroom mixture
  • Add a couple shots of dry white wine and cook for about 10 mins until all the wine has been absorbed.
  • The mixture should hold its shape when stirred – this is called mushroom duxelles. Remove the duxelles from the pan to cool.

Now, there’s a quick fancy way and a bacon way. I’m going bacon. Deal with it. 

  • Slowly render bacon on a very low heat. This is a process but it will make really soft bacon, which is the goal.
  • Pour off grease if there’s enough in the pan to cover the bacon. 
  • Make an effort to keep the strips flat and straight – a bacon press is suggested but a heavy pan set on the bacon in the frying pan will do.
  • Once the bacon is cooked but still very flexible and still solid strips. If you cook your bacon to a point where it’s not suitable to make a wrap, eat that bacon and start over.
  • Let cool.


  • Get a roll of biscuit dough at the store. I like to make my own but what you’re going for here is the super buttery, fluffy kind. If making, I like to add gluten to make it extra malleable. 
  • Plastic wrap a cutting board.
  • Roll out dough as thinly as possible, you’ll need enough to wrap your beef.
  • Spread the bacon over the dough to form a moisture barrier.
  • Spread the mushroom biz all over that. 
  • Put beef in the middle.
  • This part gets messy, just… give it a go. 
  • Roll the entire thing up.

I like to use the plastic wrap to keep it all together while I’m doing it sushi mat style. 

Close up the dough and trim any excess. Tightly roll the plastic wrap to make the entire thing as round and tight as possible. Like full log mode. 

Chill to firm up.

Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/gas 6. Brush the Wellington with a little more egg yolk and cook until golden and crisp. 

I can not stress the need for a meat thermometer enough. Once the bread puffs up there’s no fucking way to tell when you’re at. Get a thermometer. 

Next Week’s Beer

Overcast Espresso Stout | Oakshire Brewing 

Faith In Humanity Restored 

From awesome listener Craig, Ill girls wish fulfilled by caring community 

  • Belmont – a girl in the final stages of terminal cancer wanted to have Christmas carolers come to her room. The Winnisquam community showed up in a big way.
  • Lillyanna Marie Flynn, 12,  wanted to hear Christmas carols before she died Dec 8th.
  • Residents were happy to help, so was the fire department, police, and members of neighboring Tilton, Northfields, and those towns law and fire departments.
  • In total, over 100 people showed up to sing to Lillyanna
  • Belmont Fire even put in an “emergency request” for Santa to visit, who did, singing from atop the fire truck’s extended ladder. 

Bonus Happy Patron Story

Let’s watch! 

Secret deodorantʼs amazing new trans-themed ad: ‘No wrong way to be a womanʼ – http://bit.ly/2i81LJM

So this popped up in a few places this week with people outraged as you might imagine, 

  • In the ad, the ever-lovely Karis Wilde – check out her Instagram –  http://bit.ly/2i7VI7R
  • She plays Dana, a trans or genderqueer person debating her exit from a busy bathroom.
  • Though she says nothing, we know exactly whatʼs going through her head — anxiety, some fear, perhaps shame.
  • Finally, she takes a deep breath and with head held high, braves the world that is all too often cruel and calloused.
  • The text is superimposed that reads: “Stress test 8260 — Dana finds the courage to show thereʼs no wrong way to be a woman.” 

Bonus Cat Video 

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