Episode 112 – The One Where We Kick 2016 In The Nuts

In this week’s show, episode 112, we visit an equal opportunity Texan tele-bortion clinic where Jesus tortures Muslim women for having too many man-babies in 2016!

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In This Week’s Show, episode 112, We visit an equal opportunity Texan tele-bortion clinic where Jesus tortures Muslim women for having too many man-babies in 2016!

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Tammuz Mesopotamian god of rebirth hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying his patience!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I finally got the limited edition thesaurus from Amazon that I have wanted for months, but when I opened it, it was just filled with blank pages…. I have no words!

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Did you know that Carrie Fisher, goddess onscreen and off, was half Jewish but was raised “Protestant Lite”?

Jim’s Good Gay News

Kodak has released a new short film called “Understanding.”  It was shot on Kodak film and warmed my rainbowlific heart. Sadly it is HORRIBLE for a podcast, as there are almost no words spoken. -  http://bit.ly/2in6DOl

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Overcast Espresso Stout | Oakshire Brewing

  • Donated by Mr. Jenn
  • BA Link:  http://bit.ly/2hBujLx
  • BA Rating: 87
  • Style: American Stout
  • ABV: 5.80%
  • Aaron: 10
  • Jenn: 8
  • Jim: 9
  • Shea: 7
  • Steve: 9 

This Week’s Show

Round Table Discussion

Carrie Fisher has passed away following a massive heart attack she suffered on a flight from London to Los Angeles. Fisher was only 60 years old. Fuck you 2016.

No new patrons or iTunes reviews  — let’s start the new year off right with some 5star reviews yo!

Shelly Segal will be at reason con

Happy new year  - here’s to hoping 2017 decides to kill fewer of our dreams…

Headlines

Jesus Believes Torture Works? -  http://bit.ly/2in2Lg3

  • In mid-December, a 12 yo boy was repeated assaulted by Pastor Dong Wook Kim of Good News Church in Minneapolis
  • Assisted by his son, Joo Seong Kim, they forced the boy into stress positions planking and then beat him when he tired with a 2” thick “stick”
  • they also slammed his head into a door frame, punched him in the head and stomach, and pulled him by the hair.
  • The boy escaped, running through the neighborhood in only shorts and a t-shirt in the sub-zero weather until he happened upon a neighbor who brought him into her house and called the police.
  • Apparently, the boy told the pastor that he wanted to “test god” which enraged the zealot motherfucker
  • The was all done with the boy’s father’s implicit permission and possibly participation it seems too.

Man Jailed For Equality Campaign -  http://bit.ly/2in66f0

  • An unidentified man was jailed for one year and fined 30 thousand riyals in Saudi Arabia
  • His crime? He was convicted of “inciting to end guardianship of women” in statements he posted on Twitter and in public posters
  • He was arrested while putting up posters in mosques which called for an end to the Saudi system of male control
  • He was also behind an online campaign to end male guardianship
  • Under the guardianship system a male family member, normally the father, husband or brother, must grant permission for a woman’s study, travel and other activities.

Christ’s love and the spirit of the Christmas shown in a wonderful exchange in Perth, AU. -  http://ind.pn/2imY2eg

  • A few days ago an unidentified man lost his shit when he said “Merry Christmas” to a Muslim woman who responded “Happy Holidays”
  • “He yelled, ‘no merry Christmas http://ind.pn/2in2KZv ’, so I said ‘OK’, then he called me a “fucking Muslim http://ind.pn/2inc3Zl cunt.”
  • He grabbed a beer bottle and hurled it at the woman who turned away as it smashed her shoulder and neck
  • She lost her head scarf in the scuffle, but still decided to follow him while calling the police.
  • She yelled for help to triple-zero their version of 911 as he threw sticks and rocks at her
  • She escaped by running into oncoming traffic as he threatened to punch her in the face.
  • The man, described as mid-twenties and of average height, has not been found

This Week’s Stories

Jenn’s Unplanned Parenthood

Texas officially defunds Planned Parenthood - http://n.pr/2in9Ddh - http://bit.ly/2imZ1eH

Tex Gov Greg Abbott promised in 2015 to totally defund and as of Dec. 21st Planned Parenthood has until mid-January to sue to block.  It has taken a year of nothing for this step to be taken.

The blocking is that of Medicaid funding, which for most PP’s amounts to over 75% of their funding. The letter this month to PP from Texas Health and Human Services Inspector General Stuart Bowen which announced the defunding also cited the PROVEN FAKE ABORTION VIDEOS that have been debunked for months now.

Additionally, almost no PP’s in Texas actually perform abortions. 

From Mic.com http://mic.com/ “The removal of Planned Parenthood from Medicaid threatens to leave thousands of low-income people without access to routine health care checkups, cancer screenings, birth control and various other forms of preventive care. Shortly after the state’s initial notice of intent in 2015, a study conducted by the Texas Policy Evaluation Project found at least 100,000 and as many as 240,000 women in Texas had attempted to self-induce abortions. HB2, a 2013 Texas House Bill that gained widespread criticism and was famously filibustered by Wendy Davis has helped dramatically cut the number http://nyti.ms/2imUHvE of abortion clinics in Texas, despite being ruled unconstitutional http://cnn.it/2in0gdS by the Supreme Court earlier this year.

Wendy Davis ✔@wendydavis http://bit.ly/2in3HRI

This is NOT PRO-LIFE! Thousands of low-income women will lose their only access to healthcare. #standwithTXwomen http://bit.ly/2imZNrY http://bit.ly/2imZNZ0 …https://t.co/0UwAIRVa0q

Wendy Davis is magnificent.

Aaron’s Story

Start the new year off right with boys. So many boys. All the boys!

‘Eat mutton’: Indian newspaper’s ’scientific’ tips for conceiving boys -  http://bit.ly/2in5SER

  • Boy-Bearing Tip #1 Limit your procreational activities to Days 1,3,5 and 7 of the week. The “strength” of the male sperm is “scientifically” stronger and pushier on these days. Probably inspired by Kejriwal’s car number plate rule, this tip dictates misogynist movie-watching nights on even days, and bang-bang resulting in boy-bearing on the odd days.
  • Boy-Bearing Tip #2 Never skip breakfast, if you are a woman interested in boy-bearing. Apart from being the most important meal of the day honestly, nobody cares about that when all you are destined to be is a boy-bearer, it will ensure that your uterus would house only baby boys. Must be something in the morning cereal.
  • Boy-Bearing Tip #3 Most importantly, wives of the patriarchal realm desiring boys should eat a lot. Can’t figure out the common sense behind this? Because boys eat a lot, and girls don’t, silly. Stuff yourself with food to the tonsils, and your body will ensure boy-bearing.
  • Boy-Bearing Tip #4 Couples desiring boy-bearing should religiously include mutton, dry grapes, and salty food in their diet. Pity on those vegetarians with high blood pressure.
  • Boy-Bearing Tip #5 This is the toughest one yet. Wannabe boy-bearer women should sleep with their faces turned to the left side, also facing west simultaneously. We recommend carrying a compass to bed to make this easier.
  • Boy-Bearing Tip #6 We shouldn’t leave the men out of these boy-bearing preparations. Mangalam dictates that men should avoid food items including acidity content, as it reduces the power and the brawn of the semen. Stronger sperm means XY-bearing embryos, as the presence of the strength automatically cancels out on the possibility of girl embryos.
  • Ladies Finger, which “recommended” the advice to its readers, “especially if, God forbid, the blood moon sacrifices conducted by your extended family for a male heir haven’t worked out yet”.
  • India’s cultures and tens of thousands of girls are thought to be aborted each year. The result is a heavily distorted gender ratio, with India’s most recent census finding there were 940 girls born each year for every 1,000 boys. The disparity is worst in Haryana, a state in the country’s north, where just 830 girls are born for every 1,000 boys.

Jim

In Memorium. -  http://nydn.us/2in9Htx

Dear 2016, go fuck yourself.

Patreon Story

Tele-prayer, now scientifically proven to be fuck-tarded.

Federal center pays good money for suspect medicine -  http://trib.in/2imZ4qT

  • With $666,000 in federal research money, scientists examined whether distant prayer could heal AIDS. It could not.
  • The National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine also helped pay scientists to study whether squirting brewed coffee into someone’s intestines can help treat pancreatic cancer a $406,000 grant and whether massage makes people with advanced cancer feel better $1.25 million. The coffee enemas did not help. The massage did.
  • Thanks to a $374,000 taxpayer-funded grant, we now know that inhaling lemon and lavender scents don’t do a lot for our ability to heal a wound.
  • NCCAM also has invested in studies of various forms of energy healing, including one based on the ideas of a self-described “healer, clairvoyant and medicine woman” who says her children inspired her to learn to read auras. The cost for that was $104,000.
  • A small, little-known branch of the National Institutes of Health, NCCAM was launched a dozen years ago to study alternative treatments used by the public but not accepted by mainstream medicine. Since its birth, the center has spent $1.4 billion, most of it on research.
  • The cancer treatment involving coffee enemas was based on an idea from the early 1900s, and patients who chose to undergo the risky regimen lived an average of just four months.
  • “Some of these treatments were just distinctly made up out of people’s imaginations,” said Dr. Wallace Sampson, clinical professor emeritus of medicine at Stanford University http://trib.in/2in2VUR . “We don’t take public money and invest it in projects that are just made up out of people’s imaginations.”
  • “Lots of good science and good scientists are going unfunded,” said Dr. David Gorski, a breast cancer http://trib.in/2imY1qU researcher at Wayne State University, who has been a vocal critic of NCCAM. “How can we justify wasting money on something like this when there are so many other things that are much more plausible and much more likely to result in real benefit?”
  • DeKosky headed a $36.5 million study, including $25 million from NCCAM, on ginkgo biloba, a popular supplement taken as a defense against dementia http://trib.in/2imUKaO and Alzheimer’s disease. DeKosky’s study concluded that it did not lower the overall incidence rate of either condition in elderly people who were normal or already had mild cognitive impairment.
  • For example, the center has spent millions of dollars on studies of acupuncture, in which tiny needles are inserted shallowly into the body. NCCAM’s website states that the “vital energy” called qi “can be unblocked, according to traditional Chinese medicine, by using acupuncture at certain points on the body.”
  • Many studies, including those funded by NCCAM, find that true acupuncture performs no better than when a person is fooled into thinking he is getting acupuncture through the use of placebos like retractable needles or even toothpicks twirled on the skin.
  • Meanwhile, one of the protocol’s components — coffee enemas — has been linked to infections and electrolyte imbalances that can be fatal. oh and — is based on an unproven idea from the early 1900s.

So… Marsh, when you’re done shining all over the NHS, could you drop the mic on the NCCAM? 

Next Week’s Beer

isn’t a beer, it’s a cider

Comes from Ashley

Spire Mountain Cider - Fish Brewing Co

  • ABV: 5%
  • Style: Cider… I guess… 
  • BA: N/A

Faith In Humanity Restored

Woman Manages to Forgive Person Who Smashed Her In the Face With a Beer Mug For Speaking Swahili-  http://bit.ly/2imXZPO

Bonus Cat Video

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