Episode 113 – The One With Southern Fried Douchbags

In this week’s show, episode 113, Chris Corley and Azalia Banks sacrifice the sad helpless decedents of the dinosaurs in the hopes of making 2016 the year Ken Ham accepts that he is, in fact, descended from filthy shark men.

Shea’s Life LessonNow, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Hathor Egyptian goddess of music, dance and fertility hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying her patience!

This week I learned that if you were to mix the story of King Midas and the story of Oedipus it would be motherfucking gold!

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

I’m Steve and before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!Did you know that the Iroquois, a Native American tribe that was a member of the Confederacy of Six Nations, believed in fairies? Well, technically they seemed more like elves/gnomes. They were known as the Jo-ga-oh, and were believed to protect and guide all the natural world and protect the People Iroquois from unseen hidden enemies.

This Week’s Beer

…isn’t a beer, it’s a cider!

Comes from Ashley

Spire Mountain Cider – Fish Brewing Co

• ABV: 5%
• Style: Cider… I guess…
• BA: N/A
• Aaron: 2
• Jenn: 1
• Shea: Slightly Off Juice
• Steve: 1

This Week’s Show

Round Table Discussion

We got a couple of iTunes reviews!

Waiting 4 Episodes

by: Odysseus2k7 United States

simply put, I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

5-star review

by: David the Oxford United States

It’s about to be 2017 and I am looking forward to my weekly fix of banter and drinking. I wish y’all the best of times in the coming year and to anybody out there who needs a pick me up and a reason to keep going, this is your podcast. See y’all at reason con.

Stitcher Reviews:

★★★★★ 5 out of 5 stars.

From CanadianKyle:

Great humour, colourful commentary. 

You guysand girl rock. Keep it up! Listening to 109 right now, I always enjoy your reaction when the beer is off.

★★★★★ 5 out of 5 stars.

From noops42:

Good beer is imaginary much like god 

While I disagree with their stance that there is anything good about beer they put on a good podcast. I had the good fortune to meet them at a Shelly Segal concert a while ago and they are as funny and generous in person as they are on the show. I work with a lot of beer drinking people and their insight allows me to at least follow those conversations at work. I apologize if this is jumping around I had the good sense to consume a healthy dose of rum this evening before doing my informal logic homework. Keep up the good work and I look forward to each episode.

Headlines

Witch doctors needed –  http://nyp.st/2iVkUPC

• International Association of Exorcists conference, a Vatican-sanctioned retreat for about 400 catholic leaders, met in Rome in October
• They are concerned that there is a big upswing in demon possessions but there are too few trained priests to manage the problem
• Rev. Vincent Lampert, the head priest at St. Malachy’s in Indianapolis, Indiana said the meeting was to stategize on how to recruit and train more exorcists, who use holy water and prayer to combat evil
• The situation is dire, he said, because rampant pornography, illegal narcotic use and the occult have made it easier for Satan to cast his net.
• Valter Cascioli, the psychologist and scientific consultant for the exorcists’ association, agreed demons across the world have multiplied and there aren’t enough priests to fight them.
• “The lack of exorcists is a real emergency,” he told the Italian newspaper La Stampa.
• Marcos Quinones, a New York state chaplain who claims he works as an occult investigator, says the new generation of drug dealers spray their illicit products with incantations and evil spells before putting it on the street.
• “Many drug traffickers practice forms of the occult. They incorporate voodoo or black magic that gives them the power to succeed. It makes the product more powerful and creates a stronger addict. In essence, they’re doubling the curse the drugs cause anyway,” he said.

Nobody informed the Sharks –  http://bit.ly/2iVwOZV

• Zack Davis received “Shark Banz” for xmas
• Feeling safe, he went surfing off North Hutchinson island and was promptly attacked by … a shark.
• The shark, possibly a black tip, attacked the kid’s arm requiring 44 stitches
• He shook the shark free after 2-3 seconds and quickly got out of the water
• He spent the night in the hospital
• His credulous mother, is now wanting her $80 back.

Dickhead Texas judge blocks transgender policy –  http://bit.ly/2iVDlDB
http://bit.ly/2iVDlDB

• Federal judge, Reed O’Connor, blocked national regulations aimed at protecting transgender people from discrimination in health care
• O’Connor said the regulations “likely” violate “the Religious Freedom Restoration Act” and were flawed because laws prohibiting discrimination based on sex were incorrectly stretched by the federal government to include discrimination based on gender identity.
• ruling stated that “plaintiffs will be forced to either violate their religious beliefs or maintain their current policies which seem to be in direct conflict with the federal regulations and risk the severe consequences of enforcement.”
• Second ruling by O’Connor that thwarts President Barack Obama’s efforts to increase protections for transgender individuals. He issued a similar injunction in October blocking a federal move that required public schools to let transgender students use restrooms consistent with their gender identity.

This Week’s Stories

Jenn’s Southern Tours

South Carolina Republican State Representative, Chris Corley, was arrested Dec. 29th in the city of Aiken. Before we get into the arrest, I want to give just a quick bit of backstory on this man. He had actually made headlines in December of 2015. Quick trip down racist memory lane:

I was made aware of Mr. Corley when he sent out Christmas cards last year to his fellow Republican representatives of the house that can only be described as OVERTLY racist. The front of the card shows the Confederate flag flying over the SC state capital. On the back he wrote:

“May your Christmas be filled with memories of a happier time when South Carolina’s leaders possessed morals, convictions and the principles to stand for what is right.

How fortunate each and every one of us are that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ chose to be born into this miserable world. His sacrifice was difficult, but the best decisions are not always the easiest ones.

May you have a blessed and happy Christmas, and may you take this joyous time as an opportunity to ask forgiveness of all yours sins such as betrayal.”

http://bit.ly/2iVv2rt

This mainly stems from Gov. Nikki Haley’s call for a vote to remove it the flag from SC government buildings after the Charleston church shootings. It was decided to remove the flag, so Rep. Corley sat in the House seat, waving a small white flag stating that it should be the new state flag get it? Surrender??.

Ok, so that was a brief rundown on Rep. Corley. He’s a smug bigot that likes to shame people for ttheir lack of conviction and morals. Got it?

http://bit.ly/2iVyvq4

Choking Aaron’s Chicken

New Years Eve taught me an important lesson – I don’t know shit about music. So I did some looking…

Rapper Azealia Banks Slaughtered Chickens in Her Closet for Three Years As a Form of Witchcraft –  http://bit.ly/2iVqscZ

• Azealia Banks does Hip-hop … apparently.
• Apparently her rap powers come from spending the last 3 years Brujeria -ing it up…
• For those of us that don’t speak WTF apparently that’s when you sacrifice chickens in your closet.
• video  http://bit.ly/2iVv4j5
• he wasn’t any more sensible last year. In 2015, she told Playboy http://bit.ly/2iVwRVB
• her thoughts about atheism:
• I don’t understand how someone could be an atheist. Think about God as software, right? If you were to look at God’s face, your head would explode.Because your head is a calculator, and the amount of information that would be embedded in his face would fit only on a Google-size data center. Your head cannot handle that much information. Stop looking for God.
• !8vq3MhSxtVkafQkkTpcyuA.pngfile:///8vq3MhSxtVkafQkkTpcyuA.png
• ‘My mother practiced white table magic,” she said. “Prayers for the ancestors and prayers for saints and cleansing and praying for all kinds of protection.”

But Who Patreonizes AiG

Hammie Charles Wolford knows what killed the dinosaurs… it was Jesus!

Creationist: The Story of Beowulf is an “Eyewitness Account” of Humans Interacting with Dinosaurs –  http://bit.ly/2iVDoiL

• Charles Wolford, a reporter for Louisville Magazine, visited Ark Encounter on its opening day this past July, and his article about the experience is now available online http://bit.ly/2iVuv95
• he spoke with AiG’s director of research Andrew Snelling that is just unbelievable, even for Creationists.

AiG’s Dr. Georgia Purdom introduced me to geologist Andrew Snelling, who followed Ken Ham to the U.S. from Australia and for the last nine years has been the director of research for Answers in Genesis. I said,

“There were dinosaurs on the Ark, right?” Snelling nodded. “Right.”

“Then why aren’t there dinosaurs today?”

“Dinosaurs went extinct after they left the Ark. After the Flood, we had the Ice Age. We had a radically different world. Some creatures weren’t able to adapt. But most cultures in the world have some legend about dragons, and these dragons are actually a good description of dinosaurs. The Chinese, for example — their dragons are depicted on scrolls pulling the chariots of emperors. And there was a story called Beowulf in which the king slays a dragon, and this happened in Norway.”

“So you take Beowulf to be evidence of dinosaurs existing?”

“Yes,” Snelling said. “It was an eyewitness account.”

• museum-style posters on the walls:
• Fish would have been nave during the ood, one said, because a lot of marine species thrive in both fresh- water and saltwater;
• polar bears would have survived, too, because they don’t need to live in a subzero climate “many warm-weather zoos house polar bears”;
• large animals could t in the Ark given that it was bigger than people think, and most dinosaurs “were smaller than bison, even as adults”;
• and 99 percent of all species have not gone extinct, as evolutionary biologists claim: “ the amount of documented extinct species only numbers in the thousands — not in the millions or billions.”
• One of the posters, “Giants,” showed an ogreish gure with jagged teeth charging forward with a club raised over his bald, scarred head. In front of me, a woman with a pageboy haircut held the hand of a little boy. Pointing, she said, “ ere were once giants in the Earth. Did you know that, buddy?”

“There were?” the boy said.

“A long time ago. Yep. It’s in the Bible.”

• Exhibit that showed what Noah’s family’s living quarters might have been like. A poster “Meet Your Ancestors” divided Noah’s tribe into couples:
• Noah and Emzara,
• Ham and Kezia,
• Shem and Ar’yel,
• Japheth and Rayneh.
• These wom- en go unnamed in the Bible, as Marsh told me: “Noah’s wife, Emzara, is a name often mentioned in extra-biblical writ- ings. Kezia, Rayneh, Ar’yel are made-up names by us. We gave the wives different racial characteristics that foreshadow the development of the different races we see today.” Ar’yel seemed maybe Italian or Jewish, Kezia reminded me of a cinnamon-skinned African-American woman, and Rayneh looked cherubically Aryan.
• A huge problem for naturalistic thinking is its foundation in materialism — the belief that only matter exists,”

No one can swing by a grocery store and buy two ounces of logic, a bag of natural law, and a carton of morality. In a universe without laws of logic or laws of nature, how could anyone prove that naturalistic evolution has occurred?”

A man with silver hair pointed to a display about gravity while talking to a boy who looked like he was 10 years old.

“Gravity has never been proven, because gravity is a large object attracted to a smaller object, and it’s never been seen. If gravity existed, a BB and a bowling ball should bump into each other. So you see how guys like Newton get caught in their own lies.”

• “Noah’s Chili with Cheese Soup du Jour,” “Double Bacon and Cheeseburger — ‘The Two by Two,’” and “Pepsi, Mtn. Dew, Mist Twist $2.50 – no refills.”

Next Week’s Beer

Wick for Brains Pumpkin Ale – Nebraska Brewing Company

Donated by RW

• Ba rating 82
• ABV 5.4
• http://bit.ly/2iVonO5

Faith In Humanity Restored

Uber Sex

What started out as a normal Uber driving shift for Keith Avila turned into an incredible rescue of a 16-year-old girl from a child sex trafficking ring.

• Keith was working on Monday night in Sacramento, California when he picked up two women and a young girl.
• While driving them to a Holiday Inn, he started hearing the adults openly instruct the teen on how to interact with “John” at the hotel. Their instructions reportedly included telling her to “pat him down for weapons while hugging him” and “get the donation from him” before anything happened.
• He called the cops
• Police officers arrived at the scene in minutes, arresting the two pimps – Destiny Pettway and Maria Westley – and the man that they were meeting. The teen was apparently a runaway who was then rescued and taken into temporary housing while law enforcement located her family.
• “The worst thing I thought would happen when driving Uber is that I would be getting drunk passengers and I would have to handle them,” Avila told NBC Latino. “All my life, I thought about people throwing up in the car as the worst scenario.”

Bonus Cat Video

• 29 Cute Kitten Videos Compilation 2016 –  http://bit.ly/2iVseus
• http://bit.ly/2iVseus
• Drinking Milk In Movies –  http://bit.ly/2iVDozh
• How The Nes Zapper Works –  http://bit.ly/2iVDqXV