In This Week’s Show, episode 150, we somehow made it to 150! Don’t ask questions, just revel in the glory of it.
0:00:30 - Intro
0:03:34 - This Week's Beer - Duck Rabbit
0:10:34 - Round Table
0:20:46 - HL1 - Planet X Rides Again
0:30:33 - HL2 - Fuck this Guy
0:37:35 - Yeti Smells
0:43:55 - Jenn's Magic School Bus
1:02:54 - Next Week's Beer - Gold
1:04:23 - Faith In Humanity Restored
1:10:43 - Outro
1:11:57 - Outtakes
In This Week’s Show, episode 150, we somehow made it to 150! Don’t ask questions, just revel in the glory of it.
Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Sekhmet, the Egyptian Goddess of divine retribution, vengeance, conquest and menstruation hasn’t struck us down, we are trying her patience.
Shea’s Life Lesson
This week I met a girl with one leg who works at a brewery, she was in charge of the hops.
Jenn’s Actual Lesson
I’m Jenn and if anyone was curious, we are celebrating our Sesquicentennial episode! Also, I’ve decided goddess Sekhmet is my girl.
But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!
This Week’s Beer
Milk Stout - Duck-Rabbit Brewery
Thanks for Reb’Ox
According to YouTube doom videos and evangelical websites an astrological constellation on September 23 matches Revelation 12:1–2, which will signal the start of the Rapture and second coming of Christ.
The passage reads:
> "And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of 12 stars. She was pregnant and was crying out in birth pains and the agony of giving birth."
Conspiracy theorists claim the woman in question is Virgo, and on September 23, the sun and moon will be in Virgo, as will Jupiter, now being said to represent the Messiah.
This happens every 12 years, but they claim because of another planetary alignment, representing "the Lion of the tribe of Judah", it is an unprecedented event foretold in scripture.
One main purveyor of the theory is Christian conspiracy theorist David Meade, who also predicts a mythological planetary system known as Planet X or Nibiru will appear in the sky on September 23.
By profession, David Meade is a research scientist, holding a master's degree in statistics, his background in research and experimental design has enabled him to develop a unique and powerful approach to Pinewood Derby racing. He also enjoys model rocketry and astronomy.
> “The 12 stars at that date include the nine stars of Leo, and the three planetary alignments of Mercury, Venus and Mars – which combine to make a count of 12 stars on the head of Virgo. “Thus the constellations Virgo, Leo and Serpens-Ophiuchus represent a unique once-in-a-century sign exactly as depicted in the 12th chapter of Revelation. This is our time marker.”
Fortunately for us, NASA says the Planet X theory is a hoax, and no such system exists or will pass the Earth.
HL2 - Fuck this Guy - http://bit.ly/2yhcVDh
Ohio Mayor, Richard Keenan, Wants You To Know That He Really, Really Loves Jesus!
Keenan said the opportunity for government service should make officials want to do their best. “It’s not about me … it’s about serving the people,” He also brings another element to the office. “I’m a Christian. Dedicating my life to Jesus has changed my life,” he said. “Don’t preach it, but live it”
It states that after Keenan voluntarily admitted himself into a Warren psychiatric facility after his release from Trumbull, he told a social worker “he was feeling suicidal because he had been molesting the child victim for approximately the past two years.” It states that during those discussions, Keenan blamed the victim for initiating the acts and called her a “willing participant.”
But because some of those confessions could be considered privileged, prosecutors may have trouble getting them into evidence. In Ohio, however, if a spouse wants to testify against their partner, they are allowed to do so.
Keenan, who pleads not guilty to the charges despite his confession, will begin his trial next April. He’s currently free on $75,000 bond. Jesus still loves him.
Allie Megan Webb of North Carolina has created a brand new super product
The Proprietor of Happy Body Care is now offering Bigfoot Spray (Yeti spray?)
Now don’t get excited, this isn’t like bear spray at all, this spray is an attractant so you can get that elusive fucker to come out into the open, where you can get a good, clear photo of him/her.
She said it’s been field tested by the “research” group, Bigfoot 911, and they had a sighting in August which made the news.
“I think that’s enough to say it can attract a Bigfoot,” says Webb. “To attract a Bigfoot, you need a smell that is woodsy enough to keep from scaring him off. But slightly different enough to make him curious, and come to investigate.”
But, a tourist from Minnesota and Bigfoot blogger, Gawain MacGregor, claimed the sighting was actually just him in the woods in a goofy fursuit re-enacting a tradition from the Epic of Gilgamesh.
Jenn’s Magic School Bus!
W4W’s Current Adventures in the PAST!
Alright kids, 150 is the number of today’s show, AND it’s apparently magic so let’s get together and explore what that may mean by...TRAVELING 150 YRS INTO THE PAAAAAST!
That’s right! We’re hitting the road through space and time. Please don’t ask questions or think about this too hard.
So welcome aboard the VW4W Magically Wrathful Bus. We’re like Cheech & Chong but with beer! We didn’t ask your parents for permission and we make no promises that this shit is at all historically accurate.
Or that you will survive.
NOW, with that out of the way, let’s set our sights and instruments to 1867…
Well, shit, this was a bumpy, angry ride and almost immediately we lost air conditioning. I am suddenly wearing a dress with stockings and fucking petticoats. I immediately hate this...but in the interest of historicity and episode length, we must carry on. Also thank Athena, prohibition hasn’t happened yet.
Alright fellas, here we are, watching 1867 flying past us in a collage of backwards beliefs, glimmers of hope and a TOTAL lack of antiperspirant.
So guys, any idea of what we may be seeing on this journey through 1867?
Stops for brothels?
Oh shit, and here we are right out of the gate, in the midst of some shit. According to our instruments it’s January 8th
Standing in muddy roads of our national capital we see African American men gathered, as they are the first to be granted the right to vote in D.C. This is happening despite the veto of the current president
Andrew Johnson - Andy Penis Face for those in the know.
Don’t get comfy, the VW4W magic alarm is going off!
Teenagers in our 21st century days feel they have a helluva time, but Prince Mutsuhito, 14, has just become the Emperor Meiji of Japan. No word on his sense of existential angst. However Westerners have only recently been allowed extremely limited access to Japan thanks to Bakmatsu, the final years of the Edo period when the Tokugawa Shogunate ended. Between 1853 and 1867 Japan ended its isolationist foreign policy... However things are still very feudal, so someone get Shea and Steve to the bus without comment. NOW.
And now, back to ‘Merica.
Oh ok, cool, this actually works out. We’re in the final frontier, the land of the midnight sun, and nearly 100 years before the most attractive Captain Planet villain Sarah Palin is born.
Yep! We’re in Alaska.
Did you know that 1867 is the time of Seward’s Folly?
This is when the US buys Alaska from Russia for $7,200,000 - or, bluntly, 2 cents an acre.
Ok, that’s great and all but I’m aggressively steering this vehicle more southward because these fucking stockings are NOT insulated ... and …. now ... we find ourselves in...goddamnit, Alabama.
Who do I need to blow for motherfuckin’ Google Maps???!!!
Steve and Shea were quick to offer, but if you really need those sweet, sweet directions right now it’s Danish brothers Lars and Jens Rasmussen who’ll really need the attention. The brothers created the software that would be acquired and rebranded as Maps by Google in 2004.
But then, Jens also had a hand in Google Wave, so maybe no blowjobs for him…
Oh wait, this is actually pretty amazing. Did you guys know that this date is the first time African-Americans were allowed to vote in a municipal election?
I guess that’s why we are in Tuscumbia, AL.
Also, dear goddess I would murder for bar a of Secret.
Ok, all back aboard the Wrathful VW4W Bus for our next adventure…in jolly ole England!
Eh, that was a shit-lump of a stop, however, I did get to spin some sweet donuts in the lawn of the British Parliament as they had just dismissed John Stuart Mills’ proposal to grant women’s suffrage in Britain.
Thrills 4 Mills! Thrills 4 Mills! Thrills 4 Mills!
Let’s flash some skin!! Because those living corpses in Parliament need it!
OMG you guys, hush. We’re outside of a Kentucky Western Union for a good reason. Shut up. Shea, I’m still wearing petticoats. I realize it’s the middle of the night, but it actually for a good reason.
Ok, see the young dude though the windows?
Smug and arrogant looking? Just watch...for a just bit….YES!! Did you see that??
Mr. Imma-Steal-Tesla’s-Ideas was working with a lead-acid battery when he spilled sulfuric acid onto the floor. It ran between the floorboards and onto his boss's desk below.
And that is how 19-year old Thomas Edison was fired… out of a canon… into the sun.
Back in the bus, I think the fumes are getting to us!
Ok, Aaron, what are you doing? WHY ARE YOU PUSH…..well, dammit?
Oh for the love of the fuck, where are we?
What are we….Oh shit. Ok fine. I hope you’re happy, Aaron…
Toronto becomes the capital of the Ontario. And the boys eat fried potatoes and gravy. Everyone is polite and hurray. Trudeau isn’t even close to being born.
AND I’m still in fucking stockings.
Gosh, you guys, Sweden is really lovely. Even the sheep seem to shit out of the way of our path.
But…. Does anybody smell something...weird? Like burning... bad stuff?
Well, looking at our time dial it’s... FUCK!!!
Alfred Nobel is experimenting with his soon to be patented Dynamite! Get to the bus!
Gasp Well that was stupid close. Seriously, it’s gotta be December right?
The holidays should be making things more joyful...and can I GET THE FUCK out of these inhuman stockings?!!
Anybody know where we are or what day it is?
Steve: It seems to be Dec 18th
Shea: Wicked! We can get home by Santy Clausy time!! My wife make me cookies and snuggles!
Jenn: Um...so, where are we?
Aaron: That sign near the railroad tracks says, ‘Angola New York, 5 miles’.
Well...I hate to tell you guys but we’re currently awaiting what will be known as the ‘Angola Horror’. It’s a train consisting of four baggage cars, one-second class car and three first-class cars that ran into poorly designed railway structure at dangerously high speeds and cost 50 fifty people their lives. The people in the last car...well, they plunged 40 feet into an icy gorge, landing at a 45-degree angle, with the passengers all thrown together at the bottom. The stove from the other end of the car fell upon them and released hot coals. The carriage immediately caught fire, the fuel from the kerosene lamps fueling the flames, so… yeah, rough night.
Anyway, I vote we turned this Magic Wrathful VW4W around and enjoy our 150th episode in our relatively safe and kinda gross studio. Plus I’m wearing shorts there.
Patreons With A EhOzone Therapy Is Bullshit - http://bit.ly/2xc0Wrk
For this 150th episode special, I’m going to try to go full Skeptics with a K, for a segment I’m calling Skeptics with an “eh” … because I don’t have a real name for it yet, I’m Canadian, I’m not where near an expert at this or anything else so take it all with a health “eh” … and that rhymes.
Check it out now at http://patreon.com/w4wNext Week's Beer
Shit. We drank 151’s announced beer...
Let’s do another beer!
Gold - Perrin Brewing Company