Episode 166 – The One Where We All Die Of Dysentery

In This Week’s Show, episode 166, we swallow FEMA’s raw survival beer in the Oregon post-apocalyptic wilderness.

In This Week’s Show, episode 166, we swallow FEMA’s raw survival beer in the Oregon post-apocalyptic wilderness.

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Despoena des-PO-uh-na (Greek goddess of fertility, purification and fruit trees) hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying her patience!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that one of the best things about being chubby is that most of the wrinkles come out of my clothes just by wearing them.

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Did you know that Despoena, said to be the daughter of gods Poseidon and Demeter, was conceived by horse rape? Demeter, in an effort to avoid Poseidon’s advances, turned herself into a mare and hid in a wild horse herd. Unfortunately, as Poseidon was also a god of horses, he quickly turned into a stallion and…well, you get it.

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Daybreak | Martin House Brewing Company

By Elizabet

  • BA Link: http://bit.ly/2zcjGGk
  • BA Rating: 3.62/5
  • Style: American Blonde Ale
  • ABV: 5.2%
  • Aaron: 9
  • Jenn: 5
  • Shea: 9
  • Steve: 9

This Week’s Show

Round Table Discussion

No new patrons (thanks to people actually having their own lives during the holidays and ignoring we hard working podcasters)

Listener Lisa reached out to see what nerd stuff she can crochet for us since we are freezing in the studio. Hopefully she will consider Jenn’s suggestion of a full body Spock uniform, plus ears, for Steve.

No iTunes reviews either but somehow Jenn is back to life! You should leave us reviews…

Also, since we have fuck else in Round Table, here’s all our contact info! Want to avoid further canned segments, give us something to talk about!


HL1 – Go Pump Yourself – http://bit.ly/2CIdokm

  • It’s a new year with a bevy of new rules. For Oregonians, a self-serve gas law that took effect last Monday has ricocheted to the top of Internet chatter.
  • House Bill 2482, which was signed into law last year by Gov. Kate Brown, allows motorists to pump their own gas in nearly half of Oregon’s 36 counties.
    • Oregon and New Jersey had long been the only two states in the U.S. to bar customers from pumping their own fuel ― a job performed by gas station attendants.
  • The responses they received ― both serious and whimsical ― prompted the post to go viral over the weekend. As of Tuesday, it had been shared more than 20,000 times and drew more than 18,000 comments.
    • “I don’t even know HOW to pump gas and I am 62, native Oregonian … I say NO THANKS! I don’t want to smell like gasoline!”
    • “I’ve lived in this state all my life and I REFUSE to pump my own gas … This a service only qualified people should perform. I will literally park at the pump and wait until someone pumps my gas.”
    • “Many people are not capable of knowing how to pump gas and the hazards of not doing it correctly. Besides I don’t want to go to work smelling of gas when I get it on my hands or clothes. I agree Very bad idea.”
    • “Yuck! Pumping my [own] fuel in freezing temperatures and handling a nasty ole fuel nozzle that 50 other people have touched that day (and who knows what cooties are on there), no thank you. It’s nice to not have to pump your own fuel.”
  • While it’s impossible to determine which comments are genuine and which are sarcastic, the Internet was quick to poke fun at the Beaver State.
    • “FEAR NOT OREGON!!!! I’ve decided to move to Oregon to open a school to teach people how to pump their own gas … I understand Oregon, adulting is hard and sometimes you [need] someone to show you how. I’m here for you.”
    • “Apparently most people in Oregon assume that in order to pump gas you must first remove all people from the vehicle and stand in the open while thugs attack from all angles, all while being sprayed with gas.”

HL2 – The Repoopening! – http://bit.ly/2qGlhoV

  • An unidentified person is currently on a pooping spree in Orchard Park, New York. Per the New York Daily News, “multiple homeowners” have allegedly noticed human feces suddenly appearing on their lawns. According to the Buffalo News, one person even filed a police report.
  • A concerned townsperson went so far as to take out an ad in the Orchard Park PennySaver, a free community periodical.
  • The ad also states that the homeowner has installed trail cams. We’d imagine this would be the strongest deterrent of all — to get a citation is one thing, but to have your defecation caught on camera? Seems bad.
  • While this pooper might not be a copycat pooper, per se, their crimes do resemble those of the infamous Colorado Springs Mad Pooper. In September, that jogger defecated numerous times outside one family’s home, eschewing the gas station and public park restrooms nearby. Eventually, a man claiming to represent the pooper’s family apologized for her actions, attributing her actions to a “traumatic brain injury.” He also alleged that her right to poop in people’s yards was protected under the First Amendment, which is absolutely not true.

HL3 – The Safest Beer On Earth! – http://bit.ly/2qJmX0T

Dogfish Head’s Sam Calagione has made a beer that seems perfect for his one-time Discovery Channel network-mate Bear Grylls:

  • Grylls, who hosts the “Man vs. Wild” show would approve: A “survival beer” dubbed It’s The End of the Wort As We Know It, made with a nutrient-heavy blend of superfoods.
  • The 9% ABV Belgian-style fruit ale is “chock full of essential amino acids, micronutrients and vitamins,” the brewery announced Friday. It is made with a blend of “blueberries, acai and goji berries along with an assortment of ingredients including purple sweet potatoes, rose hips, chia seed, flax seed, spelt, oats and quinoa.”
  • To top it off, the $45 750ml bottle comes wrapped in a solar blanket with a limited edition Dogfish-branded Swiss Army knife. (Beer with a free knife? What could go wrong?)
  • “Wort,” which is limited to only 200 bottles, goes on sale Jan. 27 at 11 a.m. at the brewery (6 Cannery Village, Milton)
  • “We are not making any health claims in association with this beer,” he said in a statement announcing the beer’s release. “We are merely sharing our brewing process and the culinary ingredients we chose for the recipe that are rich in alluring aromas and flavors.”

This Week’s Stories

Shea Has Died of Dysentery!


Some of you may have seen this nonsense floating around the web, but for those of you who haven’t, there’s a great new water available and it’s even more pure than regular old H20!

But before I ask for nine easy payments of $49.99… and your kidneys… let’s first ask ourselves why we need raw water. Mukhande Singh, the founder of Live Water, a startup, told the Times that our water contains detrimental chemicals like “Chloramine, and on top of that they’re putting in fluoride. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but it’s a mind-control drug that has no benefit to our dental health.”

We know from science that fluoride, as a 1 part per million solution within treated water, helps prevent tooth decay and dental fluorosis. What most sheepeople don’t know is that the CIA mix dihydrogen monoxide with G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate control your mind!

See, it all started in 1939 when ALCOA was in the business of making aluminum, a byproduct of which is fluoride. Because evil, an ALCOA biochemist tested fluoride on rats and found it made their teeth stronger… and their brains more pliable. Having released his findings, the United States launched the largest government campaign to enable thought control ever attempted by fluorinating American drinking water in 1940.
Not worried about Sodium Fluoride? Well consider this:

  • Just a tenth of an ounce of pure SF can kill a 100 pound adult… so basically Steve.
  • As little as 1/100th can kill an infant.
  • It’s a byproduct of making aluminum, a product itself that causes derp in 100% of people who see it
  • Studies have found it causes brain cancer!
  • Also, Hitler and Stalin used it to sterilize inmates and make them docile… unfortunately, about a tenth of populations have an inverse reaction, their aggressor response increases beyond madness, they killed their guards, and not just killed… but they did things… terrible things….

[cough] Anyway…

So, how do we stop villains like Kellogg’s, Nestle, Crest and other food companies – by whose powers combined are known as “The Fluoride Mafia” under the command of pinko commie nazi mind controlling alien lizard ALCOA Corp.?

We drink raw water!

A few nobile companies have come together to form an Alliance, if you will, of pure water providers marketing Live Water in Oregon, Liquid Eden in San Diego, and Tourmaline Spring in Maine, and Zero Mass Water international, which caters to people who want to collect water from the “atmosphere around their homes” though consumer grade WindTraps modelled after Doctor Pardot Kynes’s world changing free-water system. Perhaps most famously is well known Healthist Doug Evans, founder of Juicero – the company that sells you a 400$ juicer that crushes the juices out of … juice bags they sell. But now he’s back to sell you several two-and-a-half gallon jugs of Fountain of Truth “fresh raw spring water,” priced at an incredibly fair $15 a piece (or as a little as $11 if you buy 20 jugs at a time) with an also very reasonable deposit of $22 per jug.

Proponents believe it’s better than tap water because it doesn’t contain fluoride and chlorine, and that it’s better than traditional bottled water because minerals aren’t filtered out or added to it during processing.

Raw Waterers are also critical of normal bottled water’s ozone treatment, despite having covered it’s incredible benefits on Episode 150.

Further, we all know natural is best. And what could be more natural than the probiotics found in nature near you? Every bottle of Raw Water comes with a complete probiotic payload in the form of cholera, Hepatitis A, E. coli, heavy metals, Giardia, meningitis, and animal poop – all of which are, of course, just proteins, probiotics, and minerals! So you may as well get the most varied proteins; remember, diversify, diversify, diversify; and heaviest metals available lest you run out of wimpy metals like zinc.

But hey, it’s not new, the whole idea is right out of Stanley Kubrick‘s 1964 black comedy Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb in which General Jack D. Ripper explains he drinks nothing but rainwater and grain alcohol because he believes the Commies are putting fluoride and other chemicals in the water for the purpose of polluting America’s “precious bodily fluids.”

On the other hand…

  • Appeals to Nature are fallacious fucking nonsense, but fluoride is widely distributed in the lithosphere mainly as fluorspar, fluorapatite and cryolite, and is recognised as the thirteenth most common element in the earth’s crust. Making it pretty natural.
  • John Yiamouyiannis made the cancer claim in the mid 1970’s, unfortunately, his work was based on a misinterpretation of government statistics and 1977 had been widely discredited by more than eight leading medical organizations.
  • Dental Fluorosis: Dental fluorosis is a scary-sounding but rather a benign condition in which the teeth become slightly stained. It is a cosmetic issue that does not lead to tooth decay – aside from the studies, I can say that while I’m a bit bothered by the marks, my teeth are just fine.

And finally, you might be saying to yourself, wow these fucking people are dumb! And you’re right. But good news, major studies in 1994, 1997, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2004, 2010, 2011, and 2014 studies, and a series of Chinese studies (they don’t fluoridate so the control was easy) showed that woo-woo claims of fluoride lowering IQ are fucking bullshit.

Also fluoride is not fluorine.

But hey, what’s a slow, miserable, easily-avoidable, fevered, infectious, diarrhea laden death in face of being MKUltra’d… am-I-right?

Jenn’s Story

Racism & Four White People.

The three main conservatives on the Supreme Court (2 of whom are men of color) are demonstrating shocking disregard for blatant racism.

Slate.com – http://slate.me/2D0bnUc

I tend to shy away from stories involving racism, at least as far as discussing them on the show. For one thing, it’s bad. End of story and there’s not a lot of debate to be had. Secondly, as a white woman, there are levels of harm that I can never fully comprehend. However! Occasionally a story that is so egregious and far-reaching comes up that I feel it necessary to bring it to people’s attention. This is one of those stories.

Murderpedia – http://bit.ly/2mgRii3

Stay of execution – http://bit.ly/2miUIAV

Keith Leroy Sharpe was sentenced to death by a Jones County, Georgia court in January of 1991 for the rape and murder of his sister-in-law, Jacqueline Freeman. For the purposes of this story, it must be noted that both the victim and the perpetrator are African American. His execution has been stayed due to an appeals process hinging on whether Sharpe received a fair trial, particularly if his case was heard by a ‘fair and impartial jury’.

Seven years after the sentence, Sharpe’s defense attorneys, Diana Holt and Laura Hill-Patton, were in the midst of interviewing jurors who had been a part of the trial. Enter, Barney Gattie who served on this jury. To call Mr. Gattie a deep south racist would be…correct. Grossly correct. From Slate.com

Gattie stated in a sworn affidavit that he believed “there are two types of black people”—“black folks” and “niggers.” He declared that Tharpe was a “nigger” while the Freemans were “nice black folks.” Gattie added that “after studying the Bible, I have wondered if black people even have souls.”

Also from the 1998 sworn affidavit from Attorney Hill-Patton:

If the victim in Mr. Tharpe’s case had just been one of the niggers, he would not have cared about her death. But as it was, the victim was a woman from what Mr. Gattie considered to be one of the “good black families” in [the community]. … Mr. Gattie stated that that sort of thing really made a difference to him when he was deciding whether to vote for a death sentence.

Holt confirmed this account in an affidavit and added:

Mr. Gattie said that he was congratulated for a good job as a juror on this case by some folks in the community. He said that one of the victim’s family members had even told him, “Thanks for sending that nigger to the chair.”

Shortly after this conversation, Patton and Holt returned with a draft affidavit for Gattie to sign. This draft included Gattie’s discussion of “niggers,” skepticism that black people have “souls,” and opposition to interracial marriage. (“For example, look at O.J. Simpson. That white woman wouldn’t have been killed if she hadn’t have married that black man.”) And it stated that some of the other jurors “wanted blacks to know they weren’t going to get away with killing each other.”

Evidence was also presented at this deposition of sworn testimony from two individuals that the jailer was overheard to say it was his job to”pick up some of the jurors that support the death penalty.”

Seems pretty clear cut evidence of a lack of impartiality by the jury, right? Well, not for the state of Georgia, shockingly, or for a federal district court. So the appeals process moved further up the chain and eventually was heard by the Supreme Court. Today, as of recording, a stay of execution was granted by the SC to allow for further investigation into the claims, which could possibly lead up to a new trial.

Everything seems to working out as it should, all constitutional and everything, right? Almost. Because three Justices are absolutely INCENSED this is happening.

Care to try to guess which ones? Justices Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, and Neil Gorsuch of course!

Justice Thomas delivered the ‘dissent speech’ starting off by declaring the votes for a stay were just trying to advance an ideological mission and that it was a waste of time. However, there was a LOT of dismissal that there was proof of any racial discrimination.

Thomas’ primary objection, however—one apparently shared by Alito and Gorsuch—is more fundamental. The justice derided his colleagues’ palpable horror at Gattie’s racist comments, as well as their respect for Tharpe’s rights under the law in light of the murder he commited. Thomas downplayed Gattie’s racism. He pointed out that, by Gattie’s own admission, he had consumed “[m]aybe a 12 pack, [and] a few drinks of whiskey” when he signed his affidavit—as if intoxication excuses racial animus. Moreover, Thomas wrote that prosecutors later obtained a second affidavit from Gattie; in this statement, Gattie said he definitely wasn’t racist but was drunk when he signed the first affidavit. The justice failed to mention that Gattie never actually retracted his initial affidavit.

Thomas wants to shame his colleagues for what he views as their naïve and facile political correctness. To that end, Thomas described Tharpe’s crime in gratuitously graphic detail, accusing the majority of “callously delay[ing] justice” for Freeman. He then charged his colleagues with “bending the rules” for “a black capital inmate” to show a contrived “concern for racial justice.” Finally, he noted that Freeman “was also black,” but was “ignored by the majority,” which only wished to disclaim the “racist rhetoric in that affidavit.” The court’s decision, Thomas scoffed, “is no profile in moral courage.”

To sum up his words in a way he’s apparently too afraid to say: people like Tharpe do not deserve to have their constitutional rights protected and anyone who fights for them is liberal pussy. And if that doesn’t scare the shit out of you, coming from the highest court in the land, it damn well should.

Steve’s Story

FEMA loses it’s fucking mind. – http://bit.ly/2CGufEo

  • The Federal Emergency Management Agency has decided that they just can’t fight god’s will, apparently.
  • In a stupid decision, no doubt brought on by the makeup of the current administration and the fact that dumbass ideologies are calling the shots, they’ve decided that non-profit houses of worship (fucking churches) will not be singled out for disfavored treatment in receiving public assistance.
  • This comes after three Texas churches sued FEMA after Hurricane Harvey because they believed they deserved public money after their (non-tax paying) buildings were damaged.
  • The dipshit FEMA leaders specifically called out the Trinity Lutheran court decision
    • “In light of the Trinity Lutheran decision, FEMA has considered its guidance on private nonprofit facility eligibility and determined that it will revise its interpretation of the aforementioned statutory and regulatory authorities so as not to exclude houses of worship from eligibility for FEMA aid on the basis of the religious character or primarily religious use of the facility.”
  • They’ve apparently “forgotten” that the Trinity Lutheran decision was based specifically on the fact that the playground in question was a supposedly secular part of the church property, not the fucking sanctuary of the place.

Next Week’s Beer

Founders Centennial IPA | Founders Brewing Company

By Heeby Jeebus

Faith In Humanity Restored

Gov’nars Doing Good!

New York’s Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo on Wednesday pardoned 18 immigrants, nearly tripling the number of pardons he had issued explicitly to stave off deportations.

“New York is a state of immigrants,” Mr. David said. “And most of these individuals made mistakes decades ago, and have been contributing members to our society.”

California Gov. Jerry Brown used a Christmas holiday tradition to grant pardons Saturday to two men who were on the verge of being deported for committing crimes while in the U.S.

Colorado’s Gov. John Hickenlooper, a Democrat, says that with the pardon he has done everything he can to keep Rene Lima-Marin, 38, in the U.S.

Bonus Cat Video

  • I Want To Be A KeeWee-Cop! https://youtu.be/f9psILoYmCc
  • Also New Zealand Police Video – Cops Read Mean Tweets https://youtu.be/JQPH5cwB9V8
  • KENOBI: A Star Wars Story – First Look Trailer (2019) – https://youtu.be/22cdBDK-8hk
  • Nirvirna – Teen Sprite – http://bit.ly/2mk3fng
  • 16 Philly Cheesesteaks in 12 Hours. Which Is the Best? – https://youtu.be/HD5PT7bvcis
    As an aside to this video, when I was last in Philly I went a similar quest. Turns out, you literally can’t get a good Philly Cheese Steak sammich in Philly, it’s crazy. They’re all wet greasy slop. Best Philly I’ve ever had was in Toronto.
    ~ A
  • Time Management Lessons… From Machines – https://youtu.be/iDbdXTMnOmE
  • How to Make an Elephant Explode with Science – https://youtu.be/MUWUHf-rzks
  • The Case For Jackson Pollock – https://youtu.be/1U19VOF4qfs

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