In This Week’s Show, episode 233, it’s bunny-chocolate holiday, so I’ve hidden a dozen rabbit eggs around Shea’s house… Shea has rabbit poo in his house.
Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Saraswati (the Hindu goddess of the arts, wisdom and learning) hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying her patience!
Shea’s Life Lesson
This week I learned that we just walk around pretending it’s not weird that one of our hands is better at stuff than the other is.
Jenn’s Actual Lesson
Did you know that Easter is the second biggest candy holiday after Halloween?
But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!
This Week’s Beer
Burning Skye Scottish Style Ale – Empyrean Brewing Co., Lincoln, NE
Donated By: Brendon
- BA Link: https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/1880/5401/
- BA Rating: 3.47
- Style: Scottish Ale
- ABV: 5.3%
- Aaron: 8
- Jenn: 7
- Shea: 7
- Steve: 7
This Week’s Show
Round Table Discussion
Updated iTunes review:
You’re Missing Out If You’re Not Listening
by Odysseus2k7 on
Rating: ★★★★★
Long time listener and patron. I listened to the last episode and disrupted work because of my laughter. Amazing, consistent content.
Beer presents from Steve E!
Ok all, this is it – It’s last call for Drag Queen Bingo! This weekend, as of airdate, we’ll be at the Hilton Garden Inn for the Draggiest, Queeniest, Bingo Laramie has to offer. We’ll be raising money for WyoAIDS.org, which is also where you can go to buy tickets or make a donation.
Speaking of DQB and WyoAIDS, we need to thank Cog Dis for having Jim and I on this week and for their generous $500 donation! Thanks to all their listeners who have donated and/or tuned in to our weirdness… enjoy the show!
Headlines Hotshots
HL1 – FacePunch!
Take a few moments to travel away with me. We’re on our way to a beautiful beach, where’s that? Oh yes, in Brazil. Rio De Janeiro, in fact. What’s that? Could it be a photo shoot with a beautiful woman in a bathing suit? Why, yes, yes it. She has long, streaked dark hair and an eye-catching black one-piece on her toned body. Ah yes…what a sight, right?
Well, local man Josinei Ferreira sure thought so. I’m not sure what he expected visiting the beach that day, but apparently he felt he’d won the straight dude lottery. Oh, Josinei is also a nasty perv. He was enjoying the site of the swimwear clab woman so much, he pulled him swimsuit down and began to show his appreciation in a more primitive way, by beginning to masterbate. With noises.
Unsurprisingly, the object of the shoot, Joyce Vieira happened to notice a crouched man staring intently at her while she was just trying to carry on a (surely) penis-free photo session. She’s says at first she wasn’t sure what he was doing but as she approached him to tell him please continue on his way she noticed he was “visibly erect, making noises and groaning.” Once again, Vieira told him to stop, to which she says he replied, “Why, you don’t like it? Come here.”
Gross, right? And Joyce was having none of it. “It was very surreal. Generally people who are caught doing this always deny it, ‘No, no, no.’He didn’t. He continued.” Vieira responded by kicking him. Ferreira punched her back. “But the punch made me even angrier. I wanted to kill him,” Vieira said.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention. Joyce is a professional MMA fighter.
So yeah, it didn’t take very long for Josinei to realize he had made a very big mistake. “When the guy saw that it was going to get real, he started screaming.” Another person a the shoot attempted to intervene and he took off running, like the slimy little shitbag he is.
Because he was not a smart person and decided to sexually harass a lady MMA fighter at a PHOTOSHOOT there was plenty of evidence as to his identity and he was quickly arrested. He has since been released, denying the allegations and saying he was simply urinating (and moaning?). The criminal matter is still currently ongoing.
HL2 – How’s Your Easter Going?
I promise it’s going better than the folks at Impact City Church in Ohio… somewhere.
Lead pastor Justin Ross and his part-timer, which apparently they have, went on Facebook to publicly apologize about his… let’s go with unique, Easter lesson.
Dempsy was leading a group of high and middle school students who were in the churches not at all creepy “After School Student Hangout” – which includes food and activities… creepy, creepy activities.
“Jaddeus got up in front of the students and say, ‘I’m going to ask you to do something that might seem a little crazy, but if there’s anyone here that would like to spit in my face, you can do so without any repercussions’, Ross said”
some students took him up on the offer.
Then, he asked some students to slap him.
Again, some did.
Seems like they don’t like him much.
Finally, Dempsey pulled out a steak knife, and told the students to cut him up.
One student gave him a deep laceration on his back. Because he’s creepy, and fuck him.
Because they were students, many took out their phones to record the event. At one pint nutter mcnuts can be heard yelling “Make me bleed!”
Ai’Janae parker, 12, was there and said “I thought it was very weird and awkward,” she told CNN, “I took part because I thought it was OK because it was coming from an adult.”
Apparently there was also some encouraged wound licking. Details on that are sparse.
The idea was to explain a “very important topic about the crucifixion.” Which is weird.
“The reactions are appropriate,” Ross said. “Many of you were disgusted, many of you were hurt by this, many of you were very confused.” Even though the activity was inappropriate, he said, the “intent was honorable.”
It was basically Passion Play shit. He wanted them to have a super-sad, torture boner for Jesus.
“[Jesus] chose to allow them to spit on him and beat him and crucify him in order to take the payment of our debt that we call sin,” Ross said. “So Jaddeus, in an effort to share that message of love through the Gospel and the story of Jesus’ crucifixion, he shared this illustration and tried to share some of the pain that Jesus took on that day.” “I am so sorry for misrepresenting the community, the church, the parents, the students and anybody that I hurt,” Dempsey said. “It was not my intention. My intention was just to show them how much Jesus loves them and I love them.”
And what could say more about Jesus’ love than getting a bunch of kids to endulge your weird fetish.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/20/us/ohio-church-easter-lesson-apology/index.html
HL3 – Patron Easter Potato
Want to what all this is about? … but, like, without reading the transcript below… then you should head over to http://patreon.com/w4w and for as little as a dollar a show you’ll longer cuts including out take on this story, as well as, the soon-to-be-released patron-only show 4 More Beers 29!
The easter bunny visited my favorite state to spell, Mississippi! In Jackson the health-conscious bunny is now delivering mashed potatoes instead of chocolate.
“As I walked out of my door my neighbor said, ‘What is that on your mailbox?’ And I said ‘Umm.. It looks like a bowl of mashed potatoes. I have no idea what this is??’” said Belhaven resident Michaela Lin. “I had no idea what to think when I saw it!”
But no one knows why…
“Thankfully she told me that her friend on Facebook found a bowl in his car this morning, so then I thought ‘Oh, this is happening a lot today?'”
That’s when she realized the person behind the mashed potatoes might be someone they know.
Ooooh, This headline is for you Jenn, it’s a mystery!
The Case of The Mystery Mash!
“So far I have realized some of the ‘victims’ of the mashed potatoes are actually staff or Belhaven students or alumni. I feel like there has to be a connection there!”
Jordan Lewis has lived in the Belhaven Community for the past 5 years. She says she has yet to witness something this strange.
“I walked outside yesterday morning at 7 a.m. and I got in my car and that’s when I noticed a white bowl on my windshield. It was full of rain water. I threw it away and I was grossed out by it,” admitted Lewis.
“I just thought this is a harmless prank by some kids or college students in the area.”
“I think they have done a good job of keeping themselves anonymous. Whoever it is, I am excited to see if they do something like this again,” confessed Michaela Lin with a laugh.
http://www.wlbt.com/2019/04/11/mashed-potatoes-are-randomly-being-placed-around-front-yards-belhaven-neighborhoods/
This Week’s Stories
The Apocalypse round up!
With Passover starting last night and extending to next Saturday we can assume that there are many blood soaked doors and prayers being spoken to save first born sons. Seeing as how there are no good accounts of God coming down and smiting the rest of us we can safely assume that nothing is going to happen. I thought it would be fun to see what other apocalyptic situations we have also managed to live through.
We’re gonna start with one that most of our listeners have lived through, the great Y2K! I’m sure many of us remember the years leading up to 2000 when everyone was running around worried about the great roll over and how it would somehow cause the world to explode as soon as the countdown ended. My family even had a stockpile of food in the garage, though I’m not sure it was for Y2K or our new sam’s club membership.
Some believed that computer coding issues meant that programs would be unable to recognize the year 2000, crashing systems and causing worldwide chaos. Many feared that on the stroke of January 1, 2000, computers would recognize the new date as 1900. Millions of dollars were spent worldwide preparing for “Y2K” or the “Millennium Bug,” which was supposed to affect everything from banking and retail to emergency services and airplane safety systems. If we all remember correctly nothing really happened after the ball dropped. The next day many of us still had to nurse that hangover and pick up the aftermath of the world ending parties and the world continued to spin on.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_2000_problem
Planet X from outer space! For those outside of the know Planet X was a theoretical idea explaining the conundrum of Uranus’s orbit back in the late 1800’s. In the 1930’s they thought they found it, it turned out to be Pluto and the search for X continued. It seemed to remain in obscurity only being searched for by curious astronomers.
At least that was until Nancy Lieder claimed in 1995 that a brain implant enabled her to communicate with aliens in the Zeta Reticuli system, which is a real system by the way; it’s about 40 light years away. She believed the planet “Nibiru,” also known as Planet X was sent on a collision course with Earth and it was her chosen mission to warn the world of the impending end to humanity. The end of humanity, by the way, was set for May 27, 2003. Due to the world shattering implications these messages posed, NASA scientists have repeatedly refuted the existence of the planet, suggesting that at most, it’s a small, inconsequential comet, if it’s anything at all. Though we know the real truth…. The world ended 16 years ago.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nibiru_cataclysm
This next event was theorized in 1982 by Dexys Midnight Runners, the Comet Elenin, I swear what he means. Comet Elenin was discovered in December 2010 by Russian amateur astronomer Leonid Elenin. After releasing the findings the doomsday theorists hit the Internet. The armchair astronomers predicted everything from earthquakes and tidal waves to a full-on collision with Earth between August and October 2011
This was despite the fact that the comet was some 402 million miles from Earth when it was first spotted. Mainstream news all but ignored the existence of the comet, as they used to listen to science back in the early 2010’s. NASA astronomers assured the world that the comet posed no threat to life as we know it. As it happened it missed us by a scant 22 million miles and got blasted into dust by solar winds shortly after.
https://www.space.com/13302-doomsday-comet-elenin-pieces-earth-flyby.html
We have already gone over three and not a religious nut bag in sight. Too bad for this next one… José Luis de Jesús Miranda, say that ten times fast, was the leader of Miami based cult “Growing in Grace.” He claimed to be both the return of Jesus Christ and the Antichrist, because I guess that’s how that works. Well good ‘ol Jesus claimed we are living in the moment of Armageddon saying, “I think, every day it is getting closer.” So close in fact that he said it was going to end June 30, 2012. To help him spread the word about the end, Jesus created a video with an opening fit for a summer blockbuster and bought billboards across Miami. In the video Jesus claims an earthquake is coming. If you are worried about his followers, don’t, they were to be transformed into magical beings that would fly and walk through walls, while we got crushed and died I assume.
According to the cult, on June 30, the Earth’s rotation would accelerate to a speed of 66,666 mph. and the Earth would crumble. To prove his claims Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda tells of many signs like the fact he was born in Puerto Rico which is at latitude 66.6° and he was turning 66 in 2012, also that all cult members were tattooed with the numbers “666.” How scary!!
Even though the world didn’t end for us it did end for our savior a year later in early August when his ex-wife, Josefina Torres, claimed that Miranda had died in Sugar Land, Texas of cirrhosis of the liver. In good Jesus fashion he reappeared in public about a month later in September. Not one to keep a good gag running he actually died on November 15 of real cirrhosis though his death has remained controversial among his followers. Publicly, his church has continued to insist that Miranda has not “died” and that he is immortal. Of course he is.
https://www.pri.org/stories/2012-05-03/group-claims-end-world-coming-june-30
According to some scholars, the ancient Maya calendar indicated that the end of the world was coming shortly before Christmas 2012. Misinterpretations of the ancient calendar suggested that it ended on December 21, 2012, signaling the end of time.
So popular was the “2012 Phenomenon” that many were pointing to natural disasters and world events at the time as indications that the prophecy was unfolding. Once again, the Internet was flooded with theories of galactic collisions that would mark the end of the world on that date.
Yet again, NASA scientists were quick to debunk the doomsday theories, seeking experts to explain the complexities of the Maya calendar. The Maya perception of time was infinite, and therefore their calendar could not be said to pinpoint a specific date in time or be read in the context of our modern calendars. Nor were there any other indications in Maya culture of a cataclysm on that date or of any potentially Earth-shattering comets or planets currently on NASA’s radar. NASA was so confident that the Earth was safe that they issued their press release a day early. As was the case with the previous predictions, the world continued to turn on December 22, 2012.
Grigori Rasputin was a holy man most famous for his connections with the ill-fated Russian Royal family. Dubbed the “mad monk,” Rasputin’s “mystical powers” were claimed to have cured the Russian prince of the blood disease hemophilia. In letters to the Russian royal family during the revolution, he made a number of accurate “predictions,” such as his death at the hands of government officials and the subsequent murder of the Russian royal family.
These, however, may have been more of an astute understanding of the political turmoil of the time than any mystical revelation. Among the predictions in his final letters was the suggestion that the “second coming” would occur on August 23, 2013, and that the Earth would be consumed by fire—yet another apocalypse that failed to materialize.
In 2014, we once again managed to escape the “Blood Moon Prophecy.” In fact, this was the 62nd time in 2,000 years that we have escaped a lunar-induced apocalypse, specifically the end that’s supposed to come after a series of four lunar eclipses, referred to as a tetrad. Biblical scholars have long cited references from Acts and Revelation where “the sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood” as a biblical verification that the lunar eclipse signifies the imminent end of the world. Christian pastor Mark Bilz predicted that a series of eclipses in 2014 would mark the beginning of the apocalypse, while John Hagee, author of Four Blood Moons, also suggested that the string of blood moons would mark the end of the world. Both these predictions attracted wide attention, with some people actually hoarding supplies in preparation for the impending apocalypse. However, like every lunar eclipse before them, nothing happened other than the Moon being temporarily shadowed.
Next Week’s Beer
Wasatch GhostRider White IPA, Salt Lake City, UT
Donated by: RW
- BA Link: http://bit.ly/2ZBsVOY
- BA Rating: 3.68/5
- Style: Belgian IPA
- ABV: 6%
Faith In Humanity Restored
Smell the Disease
Joy Milne has an amazing sniffer. The retired nurse from Perth, Scotland first noticed a particular odor on her late husband years before he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. She describes it as a “musky, oily odor” and didn’t know for years exactly what she was smelling until she attended a support group for Parkinson’s patients and realized they all had the same distinctive scent. She mentioned this to Parkinson’s researchers who did some tests with her. They gave her a bunch if t-shirts worn worn by patients with, and without, the disease. In addition to being able to identify which shirts belonged to Parkinson’s patients, She also smelled the disease on a shirt worn by a “healthy” participant. Eight months later, the patient received a positive diagnosis.
The tests revealed that the Scottish woman was 98% accurate in diagnosing the disease in 50 different shirt samples. After conducting further research, scientists discovered that Milne was smelling a compound contained in the patients’ sebum. Sebum is the waxy, lipid-based biofluid which moisturizes and protects the skin, particularly on the forehead and upper back. Excessive production of the substance is a known symptoms of Parkinson’s – and now, thanks to Milne’s nose, scientists have identified specific biomarkers in the sebum that serve as red flags for the disease.
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