Episode 262 – The One Where Patrons Activate Shea Like A Puppet

In This Week’s Show, episode 262, we wish Jenn a speedy recovery from whatever Shea gave her while we horse around our ever expanding equators!

In This Week’s Show, episode 262, we wish Jenn a speedy recovery from whatever Shea gave her while we horse around our ever expanding equators!

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while giant horse cock  hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying its patience!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that dove chocolate tastes better than there soap.

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Hoptronix IPA from New Holland Brewing

Donated By: Steve E.

This Week’s Show

Round Table

Veterans Day voicemail from Charles

Vulgarity for Charity!

It’s that time of year again. The details as we understand them, head over to Modest Needs and donate at least $50. You’ll get a receipt that you need to forward along with a pic and some details about what you want roasted to Vulgarityforcharity@gmail.com and they’ll roast your person, place, or whatever else.

We plan to donate and cash in on some sweet vulgarity ourselves. But if it gets a donation to Modest Needs – or WyoAIDS – send your receipt to us as we’ll amateur hour that shit up!

Hell, send us a proof of donation of any amount and we’ll reply with a few patron cuts the previous weeks shows and a 4 More Beers. We don’t give a fuck, donate to charity and we’ll make it worth your while!

San Antonio Chapter of the Satanic Temple Launches Menstruatin’ With Satan Charity Drive


Patreon Story

The tail of Kenneth Pinyan isn’t one that can fill an entire show, girthy though it may be. But it will fill the patron’s ear holes… and then some.

Kenneth Pinyan was born in 1960. As an engineer he worked for Boeing and resided in Gig Harbor, Washington. Which is important to note. Pinyan, wth his friends James Michael Tait, a truck driver, and another man smart enough to keep his name out of all of this had a side business producing and selling movies.

Pinyan, often the star of the show, worked opposite “Mr. Hands.”

It should be noted that Mr. Hands is a horse. With a massive horse boner.

In 1970s there was a call in Washington to repeal laws regarding some kinds of sex. Unfortunately, they’d all been listed together.

In Washington State, a law was repealed on July 1, 1976, that had said that

Every person who shall carnally know in any manner any animal or bird, or who shall carnally know any male or female person by the anus or with the mouth or tongue; or who shall voluntarily submit to such knowledge; or who shall attempt sexual intercourse with a dead body, shall be guilty of sodomy …

— 9.79.100 of the 1974 Revised Code of Washington

Hurray blowjobs! Boo horse anal!

So, if you’re at all literate, you caught the bit were removing this law effectively made legal beastiality.

At some point after leaving his wife and kids Pinyan had a motorcycle accident which left him unable to feel certain sensations. Like, apparently, among those things he couldn’t feel were anal fisting – don’t google that – and receptive anal sex with horses…. go ahead and google that. I mean, let’s be honest, if you’re inclined to google that, there’s nothing I can say that will stop you.

By the early 2000’s Pinyan had founded a group called the “zoos”, who began meeting at a farm in an unincorporated area in King County, Washington, for communal weekends; they filmed and posted videos of each other getting railed by horses. Don’t worry, there aren’t any links in the show notes for this one.

Having finished off the horses, the men then often set in on each-other. According to Charles Mudede, co-writer of the documentary film Zoo I won’t ever watch, the men used horse breeding pheromone as lube and the rest took care of itself.

Charles also disputes the idea that Pinyan was an actual horse-o-phile and was just taking what he could get. A theory itself disputed by the fact that Pinyan had made casts of his favorite horse, Strut’s, huge horse dick.

Pinyan achieved international fame when, in 2005, he and his friends snuck onto a farm five miles west of Enumclaw to fuck some horses. Sgt. John Urquhart of the sheriff’s office says that “typically,” men were having sex with a horse on James Michael Tait’s (a truck driver who lived in a trailer next to the farm) property, “but on this particular night it is my understanding that horse wasn’t particularly receptive.” I guess it had a headache… or Netflix and hay wasn’t a thing yet. We may never know.

Anyway, having snuck into the farm, Pinyan, Tait, and the third man get to work getting some from a horse whose name is, I shit you not, Big Dick.

Proving that you never go full Clydesdale Pinyan suffered from internal bleeding from his torn… everything. His friends then did the only responsible thing they could, they dumped him out of their car in the parking lot of a nearby hospital where staff were like “wtf… dude’s full of horse.” Attempts to save Pinyan were unsuccessful and he died of peritonitis due to a perforated colon.

There was a police investigation of course but they ruled his death an accident. Police eventually tracked down the farm, which was now famous online in zoophile circles, and seized over 100 VHS and DVDs of… well… you guessed it. Horse fucking.

One video even featured Pinyan, slightly before his death.

Since they’d accidently legalized beastiality the only thing they could charge anyone with was animal cruelty. But much to investigators dismay, the horses were all very well taken care of and since the horses were all pitching, there wasn’t anything definable as cruelty to speak of.

It was only after Pinyan died, when law enforcement looked for one way to punish his associates, that the legality of bestiality in Washington State became an issue […] The prosecutor’s office wanted to charge Tait with animal abuse, but the police found no evidence of abused animals on the many videotapes they collected from his home.

As there was no law against humanely fucking a horse, the prosecutors could only charge Tait with trespassing.
— Charles Mudede, The Stranger[2]

The prosecutor’s office says no animal cruelty charges were filed because there was no evidence of injury to the horses.
— Associated Press in The Seattle Times[20]

The locals didn’t expect the media to run with the story, because of the horse cock, but they did. Shortly thereafter the farm became something of a tourist mecha for people wanting horse cock. Follow up stories found that Enumclaw locals largely just pretend nothing ever happened. Meanwhile Mr. Hands and Big Dick kept making videos. One of Pinyan’s recorded before his death even went viral under the name “2 Guys 1 Horse” and then went viral again as people began posting videos of themselves reacting to seeing the video for the first time. Episodes 68 and 796 of the Joe Rogan Experience feature people being shown the video.

Later the documentary film Zoo would win 16 awards at Sundance.

Not long ago Washington, buzzkills that they are, reinstated part of the law that says neigh doing fuck-stuff with animals.

Show Story

They say the Earth is shrinking…

“They” being people who sell cell phones and broadband packages I guess. These people think the Earth is expanding.

Early sciencers sought to understand the world … and why it was moving.

Long-ish ago animals were more than simple companions, they were shoes, and boats! And our stories starts on one such boat, the HMS Beagle.

Darwin’s second voyage to Patagonia he saw the raised, or stepped if you prefer, beaches and thought that the area of South America had been “uplifted to its present height by a succession of elevations which acted over the while of this space with nearly an equal force.”

Darwin hypothesized that uplift at this continental scale required “the gradual expansion of some central mass” [of the earth] “acting by intervals on the outer crust” with the “elevations being concentric with form of globe (or certainly nearly so)”.

Unfortunately for Darwin, the world was not in the middle of a growth spurt. He eventually applied this theory to the Andes, explaining that as the mountains rose the sea would naturally recess. This, somehow, explains coral reefs.

Over the years others would attempt to add to Earth’s ever-expanding body of work. In 1889 and 1909, Roberto Mantovani published a hypothesis that Earth expansion explained contiental drift. His theory was that in the yee-oldest of times the Earth was a single content covering its entire surface. Just a big ol’ rock. Like mars or an armadillo. However, thermal expansion led to volcanic activity which broke up the landmass at its rip-zones… which we now call oceans.

Since the world isn’t a shrinky-dink none of these hypotheses worked entirely on their own. As science tells us to do, when you have two wrong answers, merge them, and there in the middle of two terrible ideas will be your sweet, nougat of truth.

Eventually the Earth-expansionists and Earth-contractionists settled on a middle ground where each could be right in equal measure. Because 0 is equal to 0.

Irish physicist John Joly assumed that the Earth had “thermal cycles” driving the years yo-yo weight loss probably came from the heat flow of radioactive decay inside the Earth surpasses the cooling of earth’s exterior. The basic idea was that the expansion and contraction of the Earth heated and cooled magma. And because hot stuff takes up more space, the Earth expanded when full of magma and shrank when that magma cooled, leaving Earth full of… bullshit I think.

Realising that “hot stuff = bigger” wasn’t going to win a Nobel prize Ivan Osipovich Yarkovshy proposed his 1888 theory of expanding aether. In this theory the Earth, along with other celestial bodies, absorbed aether from… space I guess… which formed new chemical elements, which in turn blew up the Earth like a party balloon.

Take that scientists.

Most of these theories leveraged Mechanical Explanation of Gravitation, which sought to explain how gravity worked without having to do all that messy gravity-math. Basically, if you’ve got the deus ex Batbelt of aether based energies magically becoming mass, you can do fucking anything.

Eventually we all smartened up and in the 1950’s realized that subduction and aether-based science couldn’t explain the sea-floor spreading at oceanic ridges and a host of other tectonic paradoxes. Needing a better solution, Australian geologist S. Warren Carey developed what seems to always be referenced as a “final solution” to the tectonic problem. Obviously, planets just expanded as the universe expands. Shut up. No really. Then they all explode.

Now that we’ve got the aether-ologists on the ropes, it’s time to introduce someone whose name is actually worth remembering: Marie Tharp. Marie worked with a guy named Bruce Heezen. Bruce had the unique distinction of being one of the few adult, white, men in the 1950’s who wasn’t a total sack of shit to the women in his life. Mary was an oceanographic cartographer who realized that plate tectonics, sea-floor strata, fault lines, and mountain ranges all kind of … fit together.

After spending World War 2 using photographic data to locate downed aircraft Tharp was employed by Heezen off and on until his death in 1977. She worked on oceanographic topology. At the time, women weren’t allowed on ocean faring vessels so she had to make due with second hand data, until 1968 when she joined the crew of the Atlantis and got enough seismographic data from undersea Earthquakes to build a profile of things like the Mid-Atlantic Ridge. While Heezen was initially skeptical of Mary’s work, he eventually came around and helped her publish her work and ensured she was credited for it… in 1970, some 30 years after they started publishing…

Mary would eventually go on to be a professor at Columbia, receive double honors from the Library of Congress, and was named one of the four greatest cartographers of the 20th century. Before her death in 2006 she was awarded the Lamont-Doherty heritage Award in her home for her lifetime of work pioneering oceanography.

And you only ever hear of Jacque Custer or whatever diving with his cat in school…

Anyay, back to the crazies.

Since Carey’s theories of the expanding globe there have been no credible mechanism for the growth of the planet proposed. If the world were growing its increased mass would have altered the orbits of celestial objects in the solar system. Obviously the Moon would have been affected at the very least, and since it… you know… isn’t, there’s little reason to support fat-Earthers.

As for the rules of Thermodynamics, I’m not even gonna bother. According to NASA “Every day about 100 tons of meteoroids — fragments of dust and gravel and sometimes even big rocks – enter the Earth’s atmosphere.” Most of it burns up in the atmosphere and lands on Earth as dust. And while that sounds like a lot of dust, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to Earth’s total mass, and is offset at least somewhat by the planet leaking atmosphere into space.

Not being a group to let facts get in the way of their being right, Earth-shapers have com up with some pretty “good” ideas about why we aren’t seeing odd behavior from the Moon. For example, like all aging things, gravity just isn’t what it used to be. Paul Dirac suggested in 1938 that the universal gravitational constant was decreasing. Because…. fuck you that’s why.

According to J. Marvin Herndon (2005, 2013), the Earth originated in its protoplanetary stage from a Jupiter-like gas giant. The young Sun would have emitted UV rays that stripped the gaseous atmosphere from Earth leaving only… the gasses… we like… I guess. But, because it lost all the crushing weight of that gas, the rock-Earth at its core would be free to expand, and it’s still do that today!

He called this Whole-Earth Decompression Dynamics. And he was wrong.

So, let’s just wrap things up with a few of those pesky facts…

First of all, the Earth isn’t expanding – or shrinking – and we know this thanks to high-precision geodetic techniques that can measure the size of the Earth to an accuracy of 0.2mm per year.

The measurement and motions of plate tectonics and subduction zones support the existence of plates and subduction zones.

Paleomagnetic data has been used to calculate that the radius of the earth 400 million years ago was 102 +/- 2.8% of today’s radius. So… the same size.

Examinations of data from the Paleozoic and Earth’s moment of inertia suggest that there has been no significant change of Earth’s radius in the last 620 million years.

So, in closing, while the Earth is careening dangerously toward a climate catastrophe, it’s round and it’s not getting any bigger.

MSUDs Sucks!


(MSUD) is a rare, inherited metabolic disorder. Its prevalence in the United States population is approximately 1 newborn out of 180,000 live births. However, in populations where there is a higher frequency of consanguinity, such as the Mennonites in Pennsylvania or the Amish, the frequency of MSUD is significantly higher at 1 newborn out of 176 live births. In Austria, 1 newborn out of 250,000 live births inherits MSUD.

The disease is named for the presence of sweet-smelling urine, an odor similar to that of maple syrup, when the person goes into metabolic crisis. The smell is also present and sometimes stronger in the ear wax of an affected individual at these times. In populations to whom maple syrup is unfamiliar, the aroma can be likened to fenugreek, and fenugreek ingestion may impart the aroma to urine.

MSUD is a metabolic disorder caused by a deficiency of the branched-chain alpha-keto acid dehydrogenase complex (BCKDC), leading to a buildup of the branched-chain amino acids (leucine, isoleucine, and valine) and their toxic by-products (ketoacids) in the blood and urine.

On 9 May 2014, the UK National Screening Committee (UK NSC) announced its recommendation to screen every newborn baby in the UK for four further genetic disorders as part of its NHS Newborn Blood Spot Screening program, including maple syrup urine disease.

Newborn screening for maple syrup urine disease involves analyzing the blood of 1–2 day-old newborns through tandem mass spectrometry. The blood concentration of leucine and isoleucine is measured relative to other amino acids to determine if the newborn has a high level of branched-chain amino acids.

Once the newborn is 2–3 days old the blood concentration of branched-chain amino acids like leucine is greater than 1000 µmol/L and alternative screening methods are used. Instead, the newborn’s urine is analyzed for levels of branched-chain alpha-hydroxyacids and alpha-ketoacids.

Next Week’s Beer

Miami Weiss Hefeweizen- MIA Beer Co. Style Ale
Donated by Travis

  • BA Link: https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/36536/136127/
  • BA Rating: 85
  • Style: German Hefeweizen
  • ABV: 5.8%

Happy Ending


Animal cruelty now felony

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