Episode 96 – The One Where You Join Us For FAC

In This Week’s Show, episode 96, We update our Ugandan servers to support Facebook’s new elvish of resurrection plugin.
Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Galan of Taa hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying his patience!

A close up of a book

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In This Week’s Show, episode 96, We update our Ugandan servers to support Facebook’s new elvish of resurrection plugin.

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Galan of Taa hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying his patience!

Sorry about the mixup everyone, looks like last weeks show was reposted

This should be the correct episode, tweet or message us on facebook if it’s not! It’s a good one this week, enjoy. ~A

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that the worst thing about owls is the way they maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Did you know that Mother Theresa was canonized last Sunday? Proving once again that history can have very little to do with facts.

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Sierra Nevada Big Foot Barleywine Ale

Suggested by Kyle the Napkin Pope
  • BA Link: http://bit.ly/2bTXfxc
  • BA Rating: 92
  • Style: Barleywine
  • ABV: 9.6%
  • Aaron: 2
  • Jenn: 1
  • Shea: 1
  • Steve: 2
  • Vice1331: 7

Kyle the Napkin Pope’s take on it:

I took two drinks and poured the rest of the bottle down the drain. I repeat: I poured perfectly good beer down the drain!! (Well, perfectly BAD beer) I think it tastes like rotten orange peels soaked in a mixture of rubbing alcohol with just a hint of pine-sol. I give it a smooth zero; it’s the worst beer I’ve tried so far.

This Week’s Show

Round Table Discussion

Heartfelt thanks to James and Susan for attempting to ship us James’ favorite beer from Maine. And we are grieved to announce our first beer fatality. But we did manage to get the very SPECIAL present that was included with the beer.

Brock, who rapes people, Turner got out of jail today. Because fuck him, that’s why.

Thanks for the birthday wishes.

Also, it’s Shea’s anniversary so send us some fucking iTunes reviews.

Don’t forget that we’re asking for centennial voicemails at 513–760–0463 or on the website!

Seriously y’all.

Headlines

Christian Charity That Rejected Huge Donation From Atheists is Now “Extremely Behind on Funds” - http://bit.ly/2c4PrHT

 
  • Matt Wilbourn, an atheist living in Muskogee, Oklahoma, tried donating $100 to Christian charity in Oklahoma, the Murrow Indian Children’s Home, but his money was rejected by the organization after they learned his contribution was made on behalf of a local atheist organization.
  • Matt decided to be awesome by starting a GoFundMe and raised $28,280 which they also rejected
  • Now we find out that the charity is terribly broke:

To all my amazing friends. As most of you know by now, I am working as the social services rep for the Murrow Indian Children’s Home. We are a faith-based, non-profit organization that relies solely on private donors and our annual Pow WOW. This is our only fundraising event of the year. It will be October 1st, starting at 2:00pm at the Bacone Student Life Center. We are extremely behind on funds and donated items for our silent auction this year. We are also short on vendors. I am asking for y’all to just consider donating something. Anything. 

   

Christian Pastor: I Resurrected a Dead Woman By “Sending a Text Message Through Facebook” - http://bit.ly/2chKEGE

  • Pastor David E. Taylor of the Missouri-based Joshua Media Ministries International claims brought a dead woman back to life
  • “Raised from the Dead! David E. Taylor Commands Her to Live Through Sending a Text Message Through Facebook — Releasing the Supernatural Resurrection Power of God! She Lives!”
  • Apparently, this magical text message also cured her diabetes too.
  • This dipshit was investigated for financial corruption recently too.

Ugandan Police Arrest 8-Year-Old Girl For “Lesbianism” | NewNowNext - http://logo.to/2c4QHec

  • Jinja Police Child Family Protection, based in the eastern part of the country, states that they apprehended the girl because she was seeking “romantic relationships” with other girls her age.
  • a neighbor spied on the young girl as she repeatedly “lured” friends to a farm near her house. Once there, the neighbor claims that she and her friends would engage in inappropriate behavior with one another.
  • Officials are now scrutinizing the adults in the girl’s life to see if they might have influenced her decision to engage in these “illicit relationships.”
  • Ugandan government voted down a measure that would have made homosexuality punishable by death, current law still holds that anyone found engaging in sexual activities with members of the same sex could face life imprisonment.

This Week’s Stories

Patreon Stories

In Oklahoma City, a Mother Allegedly Used a Crucifix to Brutally Kill Her “Possessed” Daughter - http://bit.ly/2chKr6l

 
  • Oklahoma City, 49-year-old Juanita Gomez is behind bars after allegedly killing her daughter, 33-year-old Geneva Gomez, over the weekend
  • According to court documents, officers arrived at the home and found 33-year-old Geneva Gomez lying on the floor with a large crucifix on her chest.
  • “Blood was visible, and she had suffered severe trauma to her head and face,” the documents state.
  • Geneva was pronounced dead at the scene.
  • Juanita, Geneva’s mother, told investigators Geneva “was possessed by the devil.”
  • Court documents claim she admitted to punching Geneva repeatedly
  • “and forced a crucifix and religious medallion down her throat until blood came out of her daughter’s mouth. Juanita saw her daughter die and then placed her body in the shape of a cross.”

But how does that help us catch Moose and Squirrel?

Jazmine Howarth died after ‘hanging herself in a bid to say goodbye to dead best friend’ - http://dailym.ai/2chLh2X

  • Jazmine Howarth died two weeks after her best friend Dionne Corbett
  • Ms. Howarth wrote letters saying she wanted to meet friend ‘one last time’
  • Her fiance found her hanged, but there were no signs she was intending to take her own life, inquest told
  • Coroner records Ms. Howarth’s death was down to misadventure

‘The letter to her mom indicated that whatever she intended to do she thought she could control it. She was very much planning for the funeral, she was looking at reading, planning for that. I know nobody ever expects it but we weren’t - it wasn’t even on our radar.’

  • Ms. Howarth’s fiance Brendan Cawley told the inquest: ’They classed each other as sisters, one wouldn’t do without the other. She broke down crying saying, “yeah but I promised I would go and get her”.

‘She said that she wanted to go and see her, go halfway to make sure she was alright. Two days before she died I woke up in the middle of the night and looked at Jazmine, she was writing on a piece of paper, I said: “what are you doing”. She said, “nothing it’s stupid”. I thought in my head that it must be something to do with Dionne.’

Aaron’s Story

 

Iceland’s Government Will Uncover an Enchanted Rock to Appease the Elves. (Seriously.) - http://bit.ly/2chLAKZ

  • In Iceland, where more than half the population believes that elves are at least possibly real and a quarter of the country says they’re probably or certainly real, the superstition is having an effect on construction projects.
  • Because of a 2012 law to “protect Iceland’s elfin heritage,” the Iceland Road Administration is going to fix a situation in which a company that removed debris following a landslide accidentally covered up an enchanted rock.
  • Sveinn Zophoniasson, who works for the Bass road construction company, told the paper that his woes began in August 2015 in Siglufjordur, close to the site of the so-called “elfin lady stone” that was covered with earth following efforts to clear a mudslide from a highway.
  • After the landslide was cleared, the road was subsequently flooded and a colleague of Zophoniasson who came to clear the route was injured. Then industrial machinery began to fail and a journalist who came to cover the growing chaos fell into a mud pool and had to be pulled to safety.
  • “Nobody even thought of the rock,” even though the area is regarded as a sacred place in local folklore, said Zophoniasson.
 

Jenn’s Story

 

World’s oldest fossil discovered 4 yrs ago in Greenland - http://nyti.ms/2chKRcK

World’s oldest fossil discovered 4 yrs ago in Greenland, just made known to the world. Scientists feel confident it’s 3.7 billion years old. That’s less than a billion years younger than the time that Earth is said to have formed, 4.6 billion years ago, and 220 million years older than the fossils previously regarded to be the world’s most ancient.

Some scientists are skeptical about the news, as the Earth’s conditions would have been hellish and inhospitable 3.7 billion years ago. However, the fossils that were retrieved from Issue in Greenland have certain formations which are apparently indicators of microscopic organisms known as filthy-stromatolites.

If the new date proves true, then it could mean that life is able to survive in harsher conditions than previously believed, and thus the chance of life existing on other less hospitable worlds, such as Mars, becomes a great deal larger.

Next Week’s Beer

Easy Livin’ | Crow Peak Brewing

 

Faith In Humanity Restored

Bill Nye ‘The Science Guy’ is getting a new Netflix show. This is not a drill.

The Science Guy is coming back to TV in 2017 with a new series called “Bill Nye Saves the World.” - http://wapo.st/2chL1kq

Bonus Cat Video

Origins Of The Comic Book Font - http://bit.ly/2chL3c4

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